Different and The Same
by tfbl
Summary: Take a look into the lives of James Kirk and from TOS, Mirror Universe, and 2009. See the things that were different, and the one that stayed the same.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine except the events and people you don't regonize**

**Warning: This chapter will contain a semi graphic descrption of the rape of a child. Let me be clear. I didn't write it because I find sexual contact with children arousing in any way. I wrote it because a shocking number of people are unaware of the abuse that millions of children suffer through every day. It will be bolded if you wish to skip it**

**Things That Were Different**

**The Original Series : James Kirk**

**Family**

**Dad:** His father, George was a smart, kind, funny, and devoted husband and father. Despite the fact that he was absent five months out of the year because of his position in Starfleet, it didn't stop him from loving and looking up to him. In fact his dad was his inspiration to join Starfleet. When he was home the whole family would often go camping, hiking, or swimming. He was a firm disaplinering, never letting grades or attitude slide, and punishing misbehavior with a grounding that lasted a month or more. He never wished that his father was any different.

**Mom:** His mother, Wionea was always there. She was caring, smart, and loving. She was a teacher over at the Elementary School in town. He knew that she missed his dad whenever he was away, but she didn't become sad, depressed, or blame her children for it. She was proud of her husband, and when he and Sam went into Starfleet, she was proud of them to.

**Sam:** His brother was older then him by five years. Sam was his protector, confident, and the person he most looked up to besides Dad. He helped him with homework, never minded spending time with him, playing, or letting him hang out with him and his friends. Even when he met Aruleen, joined Starfleet as a scientist, moved to Delta 5, and had Peter their relationship didn't change. They talked regularly by Halo vid, talked about their problems, were there for the others accomishments, and in general were so involved in the others life it was almost like they were still living under the same roof. In fact, looking back on it he knows that Sam knew that he was in love with Spock before he himself did. He would ask about his interactions with Spock whenever he called, never minded when he would take up a half hour or more talking about his First Officer, and more then once (much to Jims' confusion at the time) Sam would get his, "When is he going to get it?" expression. He misses his brother.

**Julie:** She was his sister. She was younger then him by four years. She was born disabled. She had the mind of four year old when she was ten. He was very protective of her because of this. He didn't hesitate to beat the crap out of anyone who teased her, and his parents, understanding why he got into fights so frequently never punished him for it. She looked up to him, depended on him, loved him, and was attached to him like she was with nobody else. He was the one she ran to when she had a nightmare, wet the bed, wanted to color or be read to. She would only let him brush her hair, play with her teddy bear, or give her a hug. She died at twelve years old. Fell off a tree branch she wasn't supposed to be climbing. They were home alone. He couldn't save her.

**Childhood**

**Pastimes:** He loved to read. Would read anything he could get his hands on, the subject didn't matter. Sports. Hockey, football, soccer, wrestling, running track. He loved the movement. Watching the stars with Sam or Julie. He loved the stories she would make up about the shapes that the stars made.

**Bullies:** Sometimes he would get teased by a group of kids because of his intelligence or the fact that he was the only preteen in high school. Those times Sam would defend him. Most of the time though he would be the one defending Julie against bullies.

**Tratues IV:** He has all but pushed his experience of Tratues IV out of his concerious mind. He and his family had been there for a vacation. On the day they were to leave he had had a fight with his mother and stormed off. When he got back to the hotel room they had left in the shuttlecraft, probley thinking that he had returned early and was already on it. What followed was so terrifying, so inhuman that it has affected him to this day. Killing, people screaming, pleading for their lives, their children's lives. People on fire, shooting, stabbing, running running, fear, fear. Nights so cold he almost froze to death, days so hot he almost died from heat stroke. No food for days, a hunger so vast he could feel his stomach caving in, finding food the only thing for five days, the body of a woman. Finding the knife nearby, hacking off chunks and swallowing them whole, ignoring the vomit that threatened to expel it. Avoiding the soldiers, because if they caught you you were as good as dead. Beat you nearly to death, raped, cut you up, training you to kill. He killed soldiers bent on raping him, kids wanting to kill him. Ate more bodies, human, animal, fresh, rotting, it didn't matter. It was food. Getting caught by a gang of soldiers, was raped so brutally he bled for days. They almost cut his penis off, he still has that scar. Finally, it ended. His family is there, sobbing, grabbing his arms, shoulders, trying to hold him, him fighting their touch, expecting hurt, the only kind of touch he had known for three years. He was ten when it started, thirteen when it ended, and forty before the nightmares stopped.

**Education:** It was obvious he was a genius by the time he was four. He could read, write, complete math problems, understand adult level concepts, as well as many other things. His IQ was measured at 190. He was in high school by the time he was nine, was finished with college by the time he was sixteen, and had graduated Starfleet Academy in two years instead of four with the highest grades of any Cadet in thirteen years.

**Relationships With Women**

**Attitude:** He treated woman with respect. It was just wasn't in his nature to mistreat a woman, nor anyone really.

**Sex:** Those that he had sex with he always treated gently and coutsely and made sure to satisfy them, but he rarely remembered them after they parted ways. About three months into their five year mission he vaguely noticed that the woman that had previously attracted him (blonde, blue eyes, small and buxom) had less appeal to him. He was still attracted to them of course, but his attraction had moved to woman with dark brown or black hair, brown eyes, and more slender and taller in physique. It wasn't until he figured out he was in love with him, that he realized that they had all resembled Spock in one feature or another. It seemed his subconchices had been pushing him in Spocks' direction even then.

**Those that had meant something to him**

**Ruth:** She was the first woman he fell in love with. He meet her when he was twenty. She had been walking her dog, he had been running. They were together for four months. He can honestly say that he had fallen in love with her. It ended when he found out she had been cheating on him for a month.

**Carol:** He started to date her when he was twenty five. She had been eighteen. In the two months that they were together he developed a soft spot for her, but he can't say that he loved her. Their breakup had come on very suddenly. He had come home after jogging to find all of his stuff thrown on the street. Carol had been crying and screaming at him, calling him a bastered. Baffled, he left. He had the feeling that she was hiding something. It wasn't until years latter that he found out she had been hiding his child.

**Edith:** He did love her. He really did. When she died he mourned her for close to three months. After a time, however he thought of her less and less, until finally she had disappeared from his thoughts altogether. Throughout it all Spock was there. Their chess matches became more frequent, he would ask if he had eaten that day and force him to eat is he hadn't, would make him sleep if he hadn't the night before. He would spend more time sitting with him, talking about nothing in particular, reading in the chair near his bed while he worked on reports. Many times during the night he would wake up to find Spock sitting on the chair next to the bed, watching him. He always felt comforted and safe whenever he saw him. Sometimes he would have nightmares. Spock would always wake him up by holding his arms and saying "Jim. Captain, it's alright." A few times he confronted him about it, but Spock only raised an eyebrow and replied "It would be most illogical to deny that which is nessacary Captain." He knows now that what Spock had been subconsciously doing and saying was that he was trying to show him that he loved him and cared that he was in pain.

**Miramanee:** It's complicated. When he lost his memory, he began to fall in love with her, but at the same time he didn't feel right. He didn't know why, but she reminded him of someone one, someone who meant more to him then anything, even his own life. He enjoyed spending time with her, having conversations, and holding her. But he found himself expecting her to behave and speak a certain way, and became disappointed when she didn't. When he held her, weather it was just a hug or sex he had a strange feeling that she should feel different. She should feel thinner and hard, not curvy and soft. When they had sex, although her name would come from his lips, a different name, one that he couldn't quite grasp would pass through his head. The dreams that he had were strange. Names and faces that were blurred would float through his mind. One name and face would come to him more then the other, and when it wasn't there he found himself searching for it. When she told him that she was pregnant he was overjoyed. Then he found himself wondering if the child would have pointed ears. When he got his memory back he found that the love that he had had for her was so small that he could barely remember it, and the joy and relief that he felt upon seeing Spock was so great that it felt like a dam had overflowed.

**Rayna: **At the time he had thought he had fallen in love with her. Now he knows that what he felt toward her had been lust, caring, and sense of guilt. He had felt lust because she was attractive. Caring because she had reminded him of Julie with her childlike wonderment. Guilt because his subcounciess mind knew that what he had felt for Julie had never been lust nor romantic love, and it was telling him that the lust he felt for Rayna was wrong. He did know that he felt guilt because he knew that Spock was aware of his attraction toward Rayna. He could tell that Spock didn't like it, the way he never liked it when he showed attraction toward a woman. He didn't think that Spock would confront him about it, because he never had before. But then Spock uttered one word. "Forget". It seems that Spock did confront him after all.

**Leila Kalomi:** He knew that she and Spock had a history. Exactly what it was he never knew, but that didn't stop him from watching them like a hawk as soon as he knew they had been involved. When Spock got hit by the spores they messed up his mind and made him turn to her. He knows it wasn't Spocks' or Leila's' fault, but that didn't stop him from feeling the most intense jealously that he had ever felt as he watched them together. He actually had to physically restrain himself from ripping her away from Spock. After the spores had left Spocks' mind he heard the conversation between him and Leila and saw the expression on Spocks face. For the first time he felt doubt flood his mind. Did Spock really love her ? Even though he felt like a part of himself was dying at the thought he knew that, if Spock did, then he would let him stay on that planet and with her. After, as Spock boarded the ship he knew that Spock felt no love for her. As he went to sleep that night he thanked God that it had been so. For if it had been otherwise he knows that he either would have gone to the planet and let the spores have him, or he would have found a way to end his life. He would have sought and embraced his own death, weather it had been mental or physical.

**Zarabeth:** When he found out about her from Bones two weeks after he and Spock had returned from the ice age period, once again he felt the emontions that he had felt with Leila fill him. He wanted to find her and tear her limb from limb for touching Spock, and at the same time there was doubt and fear that Spock had fallen in love with her. If he had known about her before Spock had came through the portal he would have asked Spock if he wanted to stay with her. If he had then he would have gone through to that time period as well. He knows that his mind might have returned to a primitive caveman like state, as Spocks' mind had been reverting back to his ansertal state. He found that that wouldn't have mattered. He was not blind in regards to Spocks' attraction to him. He knew that Spock wanted him just as badly as he wanted him, but something, perhaps his Vulcan upbringing was holding him back. As for himself it was the fear of loosing Spock was keeping him back. But even if Spock hadn't wanted him he still would have been with him, and that would have been enough.

**Antonia:** He thought he had loved her at the time, but after he remembered the circumstances that lead to their relationship he knew that he had not. After he, Spock, and the rest of The Enterprises' crew had saved the Federation president six armed Vulcans beamed aboard the ship. Valeris had brought the charges of mind rape against Spock. This was one of the few crimes in Vulcan culture that was unforgivable. Spock was to be tried and sentenced as a full criminal. At the trail he had tried to testify for his bondmate by explaining that he was Spocks' captain and Spock had been doing nothing buy obeying his orders when he mind melded with Valeris. The Vulcan court considered his words to be void. They claimed that this was because he was human and had had no concept of Vulcan laws or culture when he had given the order. Spock was sentenced to 15 years on Pious East, a prison planet that was as good as a death sentence. Spock would be lucky if he survived the first hour, let alone 15 years.

He was given ten minutes to say goodbye. At the same moment they both reached for each other, each clinging to the other so tightly they would both have bruises for a month. Uncaring that his parents and the entire bridge crew was in the room Spock furiously kissed him and let their minds join. _Greif, fear, desperation, love, self blame, comfort. I'm sorry Spock, it's my fault._ **_No, you could not have foreseen this._** _Doesn't matter. Oh god I love you. You know how much I love you don't you? **Yes Jim. As I love you T'hy'la.**_ Spocks' hands were shaking as he placed them on either side of his face. With tears running down his face he kissed him softly and whispered, "I cherish thee T'hy'la. Never forget this." Spock then did something that proved the depth of his feelings for him. He blocked their bond, mental link, and all the feelings and memories of love and attraction that Jim had ever had for him. He did this because if he had not Jim would have felt all of the physical and mental agony that he was sure to experience on Pious East.

For twelve years the only feeling he felt for Spock was a close friendship. He chased after woman and men, and although he didn't sleep with any of them he did everything but. (After Spock had removed the block he realized that he had sought out so many partners was because their bond and link was still there. From the moment Spock closed the bond it had been reaching out, trying to locate Spock, and, unable to find him his mind had ordered his body to seek the companionship of others in the hope that one of them would be his bondmate). He began to suffer from periods of depression that would last from a week to three months. He would get terrible headaches that no amount of pain medication was able to put a dent in. He osacshily got panic attacks for seemingly no reason, and he almost died four times. (He would learn latter he experienced these symptoms because his mind and the bond had been desperately searching for it's mate. The longer the separation continued the stronger the symptoms and feelings of a damaged bond became, until finally they were so strong his mind could not suppress them and forced them upon his physical body. He also learned that he almost died because Spock had almost died on Pious East four times).

He met Antonia when he was riding his horse one day. She had long black hair and deep brown eyes. She was logical, had a witty dry humor, and was outwardly reserved but inwardly was very passionate. They had been dating for a few weeks when she moved in with him. She stayed for 12 years. At the time his feelings and reactions towards her puzzled him, for they were the same as those that he had had with Miramanee. The only difference between Antonia and Miramanee was that he did not have full sex with Antonia. This was frustrating because he desired sex, but some feeling, almost as if he would be committing infidelity, kept him from joining with her body. The dreams that he would have every night did not help matters. He never remember them but knew that they were sexual in nature, for he would wake up to the realization that he had had an orgasm.

He began to feel something in his mind calling him. It was almost something was calling to his soul. He assumed it was space and left Antonia. It was not space. It was Spock. He had been set free of the prison and was using their bond to call him to him. He felt Spock remove the block an instant before he was sucked in to the Nexus. _Pain, fear, sorrow, regret, love, relief, joy, understanding, NONONONO PLEASE T'HY'LA. _These feelings flowed from him to Spock and back again as the light submerged him.

**Relationships With Men**

**Attitude:** He treated the men that he slept with the same as he treated the woman. With respect and courtesy, but forgetting them almost the moment he left. However, he hardly ever seemed to feel anything for men beyond friendship or lust. Until Spock of course.

**Sex:** About three months into their mission, at the same time that he noticed that his female preference had changed, he noticed his male preference had changed as well. Where before he had liked his male partners taller then him, well defined muscles, and brown hair, he now preferred them to be about his height, thinner with well developed but not defined muscles, and black hair. He figured out why at the same time that he realized why his female preference had changed. For a long time he didn't mind taking a passive role with a women, but he had to be dominant with a man. Maybe it was the memory of the rape, the fear that he would be out of control, that he could be as badly hurt and humiliated as he was then. But after Spock that changed. He could take the passive role and not be engulfed by terror because he knew that he would never hurt him, never humiliate him, only love him.

**Those that had meant something to him**

**Gary Mitchell:** He had been roommates with Gary at the Academy. After about year of sharing a room they both gave in to their attraction and began a relationship. It was an open one, with both of them being free to date and have sex with whomever they chose. After a time they fell in love. In time the love on his part faded away, but on Gary's' it didn't.

**First Meetings**

**Leonard McCoy:** He meet Bones when he was assigned to his first Starship as a Secuarity officer at the age of twenty four. His leg had been broken when he had been chasing an intruder. They had become friends almost imeadtly.

**Spock:** The first time he met Spock was when he became Captain of the Enterprise. Despite his cold, emotionless face and voice, he liked him imeadtly. At first their interactions were normal between a Captain and his first officer, but after a few weeks, he invited him to play chess with him. At the time he wondered why, when Spock accepted his stomach leaped into his throat and his heart beat quickened.

**Mirror Spock:** He met the Mirror Spock for the first and only time when he and part of the crew had beamed into the I.S.S Enterprise in the Mirror Universe. He was afraid of that Spock. He could tell that he was very much like his Spock (when did Spock become _his_ in his thoughts?) and yet vastly different. This Spock, much like His was extremely loyal to his own counterpart, would kill or die to keep him safe, was ruthless when the need arose but hated violence, and was very smart. Unlike His Spock however, he could tell that this Spock had killed many times, and would not hesaite to do so again if he needed to, that, in fact, he wanted to kill him but seemed to be holding himself back. Perhaps it was out of concern for his Captain ? This Spock seemed to be almost friends with Mirror Stonn and T'Pring, who worked on the Ship as members of their Personal Guard. He doesn't know how, but after two hours in that Universe he could tell that this Spock and his counterpart had something between them that, at the same time was more precious and dangerous in this world then it would be in his own. They were lovers, perhaps bondmates. He didn't blame Marlena for being jealous and soupioues of his Counterparts relationship with Spock. He could tell that they hid the true nature of themselves very well, but even the smallest of tells would have to slip through the cracks once in a while. From what he knew about this Mirror Universe, those small tells would be more then enough to get them killed. As he played chess in his own quarters with His Spock the night after he and his crew had been beamed back to their world, he thought of his and Spocks' Counterparts and hoped that they would not be found out. Already, being separated from Spock was becoming harder to take. He knew that it would be even worse for their Counterparts.

**His Younger Counterpart:** He first met his younger Counterpart when he had run into his and Spocks' cave on Delta Vega. He kept himself hidden, as he had when Nero captured their ship with a small cloaking device that the Romulans from his world had invented. He learned that Spocks' younger Counterpart seemed to hate him, that he was the Captain of The Enterprise, and that he had marooned him here on grounds of mutantaty. As his T'hy'la had melded with his Counterpart and showed him how he and Nero had come to be there, he also viewed his younger self's' memories and emotions. Because he was Spocks' bondmate their minds were always linked, and he was able to see what Spock saw. _A fist hurling toward him, an angry male voice yelling, a woman's face twisted with hate and disgust, pain, fear, anger, curl stinging words that were meant to bleed, scar hitting his ears. Standing in front of judges at the Academy, black hair, dark piercing eyes, pointed ears. Feeling arousal, frustration, confusion, and amusement when he saw him, when he heard his voice. Seeing the way a dark skinned girl watched him , her holding him, jealously, anger, wanting himself to be the one comforting the one with those pointed ears._ As he and Spock withdrew from his Counterparts mind he felt Spock gently transferring some of their own feelings into his younger self's mind. _Want desire need love possessiveness protect die kill mine yours comfort safe trust love love T'hy'la_. He laughed silently as he regarded his bondmate. _You know he doesn't need those Spock. His feelings for his Spock are already just as strong as mine are for you._ He felt strong amusement and affection through their bond as Spock replied, _**Yes I know Jim, but I thought our feelings might push him in the right direction sooner rather then later.**_ Spock made the right decision of course, for one year after meeting Spock his younger self became lovers with Spocks' younger self.

**Spocks' Younger Counterpart:** He first met Spocks' younger self when he and Spock were about to board the Shuttlecraft to New Vulcan. He stayed inside the Shuttlecraft as Spock talked to his younger self. He listened as his bondmate gave not so subtle hints to his younger self about how his relationship with his own Counterpart was likely to turn out. _He's skeptical Spock_. _**He will come to his senses soon enough Jim.**_ As the Shuttlecraft rose into the air he turned to the window and saw the younger Spock looking back at him. He rose his hand in half a wave and saw confusion, then dawning comprehension in the younger Spocks' eyes before the Shuttle launched into space.

**Love  
**  
**Spock:** He doesn't know when he fell in love with him. He only knows that all the times he flirted with or gently teased him, became exzerthalied when Spock responded in kind, became disappointed if he didn't. Experienced fierce anger and protectiveness when someone threatened him, felt mind numbing terror when he was hurt or in danger, was willing to do anything, risk his career, his position, his life, in order to keep Spock safe. Knowing that he liked peppermint tea in the mornings, that he loved to read novels but that he hated anything by Charles Dickens. How his mouth would turn down very slightly when he was stressed, was amused by his quirks, found talking to him or just being in his presence so interseting and soothing that there were many times he never wanted to leave. The need to touch him, be close to him, weather it was something as minor as grabbing his wrist, or something as large as wanting to hug him. Feeling jealously and anger when he thought about or saw Spock in the arms of another, seeing the light of happiness or amusement in his eyes and getting the feeling that he was floating on air when he was the reason for it. Noticing the shape of his legs, his **, the gracefulness of his hands, the deep, rich timber of his voice. The dreams. All of this should have given him a clue that what he felt for this man went far beyond mere attraction, a mere friendship, and far, far beyond a simple crush that when he finally realized that he loved him two days after Spocks' Pon Farr the look on his face prompted Bones to give him a hypo and say "Glad you finally figured it out Jim. Never thought it would take you ten years. Now go _do_ something about it, goddamit."

**Bones:** He loves him like a combanation of a friend, father, brother, and mentor.

**Telling**

**Spock how he felt:** Two days after their five year mission he decided to tell Spock that he was in love with him. He called him to his room, nervous as hell because he wasn't completely sure that Spock would share his feelings. And if he didn't he might loose him. And he would rather have Spock as his friend rather then not have him at all. Because, even then, he knew that loosing Spock would kill him. When he told him Spock said in a monotone voice "Such feelings are illogical Captain. If such delusions keep pristeing, perhaps you should see Dr. McCoy." If Jim had not known him so well, he might have truly believed that Spock felt nothing for him. But he noticed that Spock was standing more straight then normal, his voice was tighter, and there were very faint lines around his mouth. This is how he knew that Spock was scared. Scared of what he wasn't sure. As he turned to go Jim desperately grabbed his hand, ignoring the shock that raced up his arm and said "No Spock. Please. Mind meld with me. Let me show you." Spock nodded, closing his mouth which had been slightly open as if he had been gasping. As they melded he felt their minds becoming one, felt wave upon wave of emotion, unable distinguish between his own and Spocks'. _Love trust loyalty love love love, fear want need desire why would do anything for you, keep you safe lie steal kill die hope want you need you everything best friend brother so much more then brother my life heart soul never hurt you terrified of hurting you illogical not Vulcan love love everything T'hy'la._ He felt the meld snap like a rubber band. He stumbled backward onto the bed. Saw Spock staring at him, saw his hands shaking worse then they had at Ponn Farr. Before he could move Spock had swept from the room. Two days latter he heard from Bones that Spock had gone to Gol to pursue Kolinar . He broke.

For a time, close to two years he felt half dead. Found it hard to eat, lost weight, his sleep was disturbed by nightmares. He grew thinner, paler and his eyes grew so dead that anyone would have thought he had just survived Traturs IV all over again. It was only after Bones had injected him with about 20 hypos over the course of a month did he began to eat and sleep better , as well as get some color back. He still felt dead. After awhile he started fucking to try to relive the feeling. Men, women, going down in a back alley, on a bed in five star hotel, two at once. It didn't matter. No one, no amount of sex worked. One of the women that he had a one night stand with, Lori, stayed for three months. He married her. With her, he began to feel slightly less dead, but then that feeling was gone. She moved out and divorced him. He didn't care, didn't want her to come back. There was only one person whom he wanted, someone who he didn't think about while awake, but dreamed about every night. That person didn't want him. Years latter, as he looked back on it he realized the people that he was fucking had changed from brunettes to those with black hair. Those with pale toned skin to those with medium toned skin. Even a few with pointed ears. He had been subcouncily trying to replace Spock. And it hadn't worked because none of them were him.

**When he and Spock became a couple: **

**His family:** His parents and siblings had been dead for years, but he knew they would have been happy for him. Besides, Sam had already known that he loved Spock long before he died.

**Saerk:** It took Spocks' father about two weeks to come around, during which time he did not speak to either Spock or himself. At the end of those two weeks he called them on the Halo vid and said, "Do you love my son Captain?" surprised by this, for he had thought Saerk had been calling to tell Spock how illogical his choice of mate was, he replied, "Yes. More then anything." Saerk had then turned to Spock and said, "Then you have made the logical choice my son." That was how both he and Spock knew Saerk was fine with it. He was so fine with it, in fact, that he was the one who performed their bonding ceremony, where they learned that their bond and been forming and strengthening for many years without their conscious will or knowdgle. Saerk was able to determine that it had been present sience the day that he had taken command of The Enterprise.

**Amanda:** When they told her she smiled and said, "I have been expecting this since I first saw the two of you on the way to Babel. You have taken much longer then I expected to reach this obvious conclusion Spock." He and Spock were both surprised at this. _How could my mother had known that we would become lovers at that point in time?_ _**She obviously notices a great deal Spock.**_ Amanda was also present at their bonding ceremony.

**The Crew:** He had thought they would have to announce it to the bridge crew, but a day after they became lovers they had all come up to them with smiles and remarks ranging from "It's about time". To "Are you married?" It seems that they had been expecting this for a long time.

**His rape:** They had been sleeping together for about five months. He hadn't noticed it, but every one of those times he had been on top (force of habit he later concluded). He was laying on top of Spock, kissing him when he felt Spock shift under him. Before he knew what was happening Spock had flipped him over so he was beneath him and his wrists were being held above his head. Even though there was nothing threatening about Spocks' grip he felt terror engulf him. he was dimly aware of the body on top of him quickly rising, of someone frantically calling his name. He felt something touch his face and unthinkingly lashed out. The sharp crack of his hand contacting with an object brought him back to his senses. He saw Spock pushing himself up from the edge of the bed where the blow had thrown him. there was no accusation or anger in his eyes or through the bond. Only concern for him.

"Please tell me what has frightened you so." Spock whispered as he slowly took his hand. He flinched briefly at the touch but allowed Spocks' hand to close over his. For a moment he contemplated avoiding the subject, but then realized that he could not be in a sexual relationship with his bondmate and not explain to him why he always felt the need to be on top during sex. Why he felt the need to be in control. As he opened his mouth he felt shame, fear, and anger wash over him. He had never told anyone about his rape on Tratues IV. What if Spock became disgusted with him ? What if he believed it was his fault ? "Promise you won't think less of me." He said in nearly a whisper, his voice shacking. "That would never be possible T'hy'la." Spock said just as softly. He swallowed and began.

**He told how three soldiers had captured him, how they had ripped his tattered clothes off his body. How they had taken turns holding him down with a grip so tight he felt sure his wrists would break. How they had stimulated his penis with their hands and mouths, laughing and mocking him when he became erect or came. Fucked his ass with their un lubricated cocks, not stopping even when blood was streaming from his body. How one of the soldiers, angry that he hadn't become erect when he was inside him had taken his knife and tried to cut his penis off, but decided against it at the last second. Instead he cutt around his balls and penis, getting as close to them as he could get without doing any damage to them. About the shame, loathing, and disgust he felt with himself as he thrust himself into their hands or mouths. About the moans, cries, and pleas that he had issued, begging them to keep going and to stop.** After he was finished Spock wrapped his arms around him and sent strong feelings of comfort, acceptance, love, and sorrow through the bond. He realized he had been stupid to think that his T'hy'la would ever think less of him.

**Children**

**David:** Even though he didn't meet his son until he was almost thirty, he loved him right from the start. He was very proud of his son. David was so like himself, from his don't-look-before-you-leap attitude, to his intelligence, to his choice of romantic partner. When he heard that David and Saavik, a half Romulan half Vulcan, and his and Spocks' adopted daughter to boot, were lovers and were planning on performing the ritual to become bondmates in two months he laughed until he couldn't stand. Like father like son. He was angry with Carol for keeping David from him, and when he was killed by the Klingons his grief was second in it's intensity to what he felt when Spock died.

**Savvik:** He and Spock adopted her. She was the result of the rape of a Vulcan male and a Romulan female. Her mother had not wanted her because of her violation and had abandened her on the street within minutes of her birth. Savvik had lived on the streets until she was six years old. He and Spock had diffuctlies with her for awhile. She was angry, fearful, and weary of them (she had been living with them for four years when she told them she had felt that way because she thought they were going to use her to "Satisfy their sexual needs" as most of the men on the street had done. When he heard that he and Spock both saw red and had to control themselves from finding those men and killing them). She would eat very little yet she would steal food and hide it. She wouldn't sleep in her bed but would sleep on the floor in a corner of the room, with her back facing the wall. She had no control over her emotions (even he agreed with Spock that this was not a good thing).

She would lie to them about the smallest thing, but he and Spock both saw that this was an automatic reflex rather then malicious intent and only punished her mildly for it. She had no education, had the worst grammar and accent that he had ever heard, yet was very resistant to the schooling that he and Spock tried to provide. In time however her behaviors settled down, her emotions got under control, her accent disappeared (she still reverted to it if she was extremely angry though) and grew to love school. She also came to love them as her own fathers and was very loyal to them. In one instance a Vulcan boy about four years older and twice as large had been teasing her. He had started out mocking her blood statues, appearance, and accent, and seeing as he was getting no reaction out of her decided to turn his insults to himself and Spock. This turned out to be a hudge mistake. She had beaten the boy to a bloody pulp, not stopping until two of the Vulcan teachers had pulled her off him, still shrieking and trying to claw his face. When he and Spock came to pick her up she told them that the boy had referred to Spock as a "Unnatural traitorous half breed" and himself as "That human slut that that unnatural thing only uses for a sex toy". He didn't blame her for loosing control. He wasn't surprised that she went to great lengths to rescue Spock after his "death". He was her father after all. He and Spock both loved her like their own daughter. They miss her.

**Their Own Daughter:** Spock was pregnant. When Spock told him he was shocked because it should have been impossible. They had always wanted a child, and in the early years of their bonding they'd tried again and again, but it hadn't happened. Spock had the normal genatils of a Vulcan male: double ridged penis, balls, and a vaginia, but it appeared as if he were barren. For 54 years they'd accepted that they would never have children, and now, somehow, Spock was pregnant. As he looked at Spock happiness began to fill him. A child. Their child. Growing inside of his bondmate. He didn't realize he must have been standing motionless for some time until he heard Spock ask in a low voice if he wished to terminate the fetus. Shock and disappointment filled him. Did that mean that Spock didn't want a child ? He saw the emotions in his eyes as well as felt them through the bond. _Fear, uncertainty, and understanding_. Spock didn't want to kill their child, but he would do so if that's what Jim wanted. His only response was to place his hand on Spocks' abdomen, over the spot where their child rested, and kiss him.

Jim was laying next to Spock in the sickbay bed, both staring down at their daughter, Morgan Kirk Xtmprsqzntwlfb. She had been born one hour ago. Neither of them knew were her features came from. Her entire body, including her tiny nails and lips were milk white. Her hair and eyes were not one color, but reflected the light, causing them to shimmer color after color in every shade imaginable, like hummingbird feathers. Her ears were mostly rounded like Jims', but they curved to delacatite points at the tips, showing her Vulcan blood. Neither he nor Spock knew what their daughters mixed blood would give her. She might age quickly mentally like a Vulcan, but age slow physically like a human. She might have a humans red blood, but have a Vulcan's' physolgcally. It wouldn't matter. They would love her regardless.

**Death  
**  
**His Dad and Mom:** They both died in a car crash when he was twenty two. When he found out locked himself in his room and cried. He still misses them.

**Sam:** For a long time he felt that his brothers death was his fault. If they had received the distress call sooner, had gotten to the planet faster Sam might still be alive. Throughout all of his grieving and self blame Spock was there, just as he had been there for him after Edith died.

**Julie:** He blames himself for her death. Spock has seen her life and her death through their melds and has tried to comfort him. This is something that his bondmate can't fix. He knows that he will always feel responsible. She had loved and trusted him with everything that she had, and he had failed her.

**Spock:** His bondmates' death, well, that destroyed him in a way no other death, not even Julies' had done. As Spock lay dyeing on the other side of that glass he had been screaming through the bond, _Spock no no. I love you, love you. Please T'hy'la. Please. You know I won't survive you, I won't want to. Oh god please no. _Spock told him not grieve both physically and through the bond: "Do not grieve admiral. It is illogical." And_**, It will be alright Jim. You must keep McCoy with you. Do not end your life over me T'hy'la.**_ In Spocks last moments they shared a Vulcan kiss through the glass. _**I love you.**_ They both thought at the same moment. Then he felt the bond vanish. He doesn't know how he made it out of that room, all he knows was that he was mentally screaming into the void where the bond that had existed for twenty five years should have been. That he felt like his heart, mind, and soul was being ripped in half.

He finds himself stumbling into an empty room and sinking down to the floor, and only then does he let the scream tear from his throat and the tears stream from his eyes. Hours latter Bones uses his CMO statues to get into the room and get him to Sickbay. Despite his promise to Spock not to end his life, by the time they got back to Space dock he already had a plan in mind. If Sarek hadn't come demanding Spocks' karta, thereby letting him know that his bondmate still lived, he would have ended his life that night. He just hadn't wanted to be in a world were Spock wasn't present. After Spocks' soul had been returned and he regained his memories Spock had reminded him that, because of the bond, if he had truly died then he would died in the instant that he did. The bond would not have allowed them to be parted, even in death.

**His Own:** He doesn't know if his death by Nexus qualifies him as having been dead, for if death has a certain feeling to it, what he felt in Nexus was not it. The whole time he was there it felt like he was half asleep. He had a vague knowdgle of events that were happening, could feel and hear Spock through the bond, and was aware of time passing, but it didn't seem real. After he was released from Nexus he almost died for real because his wounds were so great. It was only the sound of Spocks' pleading words and the feel of fear, love, desperation, and hope that Spock was projecting through the bond that enabled him to cling to life long enough for Spock to retrieve him and get him medical attention. When his own death dose come he will not fear it, for he knows that Spock will die as well. If there is a heaven of some sort, he and Spock will be there together. The bond won't let them be apart.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: Mirror James Kirk**

**Family**

**Biological Family:** He barely remembers his birth family. He was three when they were killed by an explosion . He knows he had a mother, father, and three brothers, but he holds no love for them.

**Sork:** He was adopted by him and his wife when he was four. Sork is reserved, quiet, unsmiling, and will be completely focused on the subject at hand. He is also nonjudgmental, kind, honest, a very good teacher, and loves his family. He considers this Vulcan to be his father.

**T'Pa: **She is extremely intelligent and witty, able to stop someone in their tracks with a few words, all the while expressing no emotion. He learned his verbal skills from her. She bought them a telescope and taught them about the stars, planets, and galaxies. If his father would criticize him about his work or abilities (as he was sometimes prone to do) she would gently, but with a faint undercurrent of steel in her voice, remained him that he was Human, not Vulcan. She is very protective of her children, attacking those who threatened them viciously, either verbally or physically. She is her mother.

**Stonn:** He is his brother. He was raised with him from the time he was four and Stonn was five. Stonn has always been there for him, weather it was to play a game of chess or ball or to help him with the homework he received from the Vulcan school he attended. Despite that fact that it was "Illogical and disturbingly human" Stonn would verbally (and on two occasions physically) defend him against the Vulcan bullies. When they came aboard the Enterprise, even though Stonns' job was to protect Pike, he protected him most often. He has always been, and always will be able to relay on him. Stonn has his trust, loyalty, love, friendship, and protection. He has Stonns'. He has never wanted any other for a brother.

**Spock:** Spock was already living with Sork and his family when he came to live with them. They were inseparable from the beginning. They would do almost everything together from reading, playing, to attending class. In public they insulated, threatened, and appeared to hate each other. Even as young as five they both knew that expressing anything more than that in the Terran Empire, where you or someone you showed caring for were likely to get killed by the person who claimed to be your friend was very deadly. If someone else threatened or harmed the other in some way however the other would teach them a lesson that it was impossible to forget. When Jim was eight a Romulan had mutilated his ears, cutting them into points. He had done this because "That filthy Terran thinks he's as good as a Vulcan". After he had gotten to the hospital and they reattached his ears Spock had found the Romulan. By the time their parents and brothers found them the Romulan was beaten near death. In their home however, they showed a level of caring, trust, understanding, love, and loyalty that was clear to their parents and brother that it would develop into something more. That is if they lived long enough for it to develop.

**Savvid:** He is Spocks' twin. He is identical to Spock in almost every way from his height, to his temperament, to his eye color. The one way he is different however is that he possesses a special ability that allows him to change his appearance as easily as breathing. He can change his hair from jet black to blue, his eyes from medium brown to violet. He is able to change from a Vulcan male to an Orion female. From an adult to a child. The ability has proven very useful, both on missions and in his personal life. Normally, unless he is alone with his family or mate his appearance will be that of a Vulcan male with dark brown hair and bright green eyes. He does this because no one can know that he and Spock are brothers. If someone did find out it would mean death for one of them. Savvid is his brother. He trusts, values, loves and will protect him as he does with Stonn, T'Pring, and Christine. Savvid feels the same about him.

**T'Pring:** Although she did not live with his family she was with them so much that he began to think of her as his sister from the time he was seven. When Stonn made her his wife (no more then his wife. His T'hy'la) it became official. She is smart, cunning, strong, loyal to those who deserve it (himself and his family), protective of those whom she cares for, and very dangerous to have as an enemy. She will kill anyone who threatens her or her family in the smallest way. She is one of the members of his Personal Guard. She will act like she hates and mistrusts him and is only protecting him because it is her job, yet she will go above and beyond what is expected of a Personal Guard member to keep him safe. He knows this is because she loves him.

**Christine:** She is Savvids' T'hy'la's and his sister. She is a vampire, and until she killed Leonard McCoy in order to become the CMO was the head nurse aboard the Enterprise. If any of them have a medical problem they will come to her (they did this even when she wasn't the CMO). She has more medical knowledge then anyone on the ship (having studied on ten different planets), will do everything in her power to help them instead of the bare minimum like with the rest of the crew, would never enter their visit or problem into a medical log, and she is their sister which means they love and trust her.

When Savvid began to court her, her older brother, Viktor Chapel wasn't happy. He asked her why she wanted to "Be seen with a freak that doesn't even have one appearance" She had slapped him so hard that he flew across the room. From there things escalated. Viktor would say she was a traitor to her race, call her names, and would accuse Spock and Savvid of having sex in an attempt to make her break up with Savvid. Savvid was almost to the end of his control, but it was Christine who snapped first. Three months after she and Savvid were bonded she discovered she was pregnant. When she told Viktor he said "So that creatures' going to be a bastard and freak of nature!" Her control snapped as she sprang at him, hissing, and proceeded to bite, claw, and punch every part of him she could reach. By the time she was done he had to be put in the intensive care unit in the Vulcan hospital. Her brother had not connected them in 25 years.

She is very attractive to his crew, who consider her a knockout with platinum blonde hair, light blue eyes, and a body to die for. Although he knows that many would like to no one has ever made a sexual advance on her. It probably has something to do with the fact that the one man who tried ended up with permanent scars from her nails and is blind in one eye. Christine doesn't like anyone except Savvid making sexual comments about her (they have to do this either through their link or in their rooms because no one knows she is his wife). This is because both Vulcans and Vampires mate for life, (Which means that both mates enter into a mind meld while having sex. Both races will only meld with one sexual partner in their lifetime. This person is their life mate) and are very possessive of their mate. They also think that, once they are mated, only their mate is allowed to show a sexual interest in them, for they are theirs and theirs alone. Christine is loyal, smart, discreet, caring with her family, perceptive of everything and everyone around her, dangerous, haughty, and, is protective of those who she deems worthy. She loves them.

**T'Lyra:** She is Stonn and T'Prings' daughter. She appears unusual for a Vulcan, for where most have dark hair and eyes, she has blonde hair and blue eyes. She lives on Vulcan with his parents. It would be very dangerous and foolish to have her on the ship. The crew would think nothing of killing a child if they thought it would gain them a higher position. The fact that she was the daughter of the only Vulcans who were lower in rank then Spock would be an added bonus. He loves this girl as a niece and daughter. Outside of his family and Ulric no one knows she exists. This is not unusual in the Empire, for all personal information from family members to blood line is erased upon entering into a career with the Federation.

**Phillip:** He is Savvid and Christines' son. He has milk white skin and hair, Vulcan ears and eyebrows, Vampire fangs, and deep blue eyes. He lives on Vulcan with his grandparnets and cousin. This boy is his nephew and his son.

**Childhood**

**Pastimes:** Besides loving to read, study, and play chess he also loved to practice the defensive arts. This was required of all members of the Empire of course, but he was much better at them than most. He began practicing when he was six, and by the time he was twenty one was a black belt in all forms of Vulcan, Terran, Romulan, and Klingon defensive arts. With the number of people he's killed his skills have proven to be very useful. He can break an entire rib cage in 20 seconds, can slice a woman from breast bone to pelvis in less time than it would take to blink. Very few are stupid enough to threaten him. Those that do, well, they don't last long.

**Bullies:** He was rarely bullied. This was because most knew of the ruthlessness and swiftness of his attacks, and were not stupid enough to provoke him. When he was bullied it was normally by Vulcan children. They would taunt him because he was human, because his parents were dead, or because he had a harder time with his studies then they did. He would take their insults with an emotionless, measured stare (his family had taught him well), wait until they were done, then he would give a response so swift and damaging it would leave his opponents subtlety gaping as he walked away. He was not stupid. He knew that he could not attack them, for Vulcans were ten times as strong as a human. He also knew that a verbal attack could be just as damaging as a physical one. If one of his siblings were bullied, well, that was a different matter, especially if it was Spock. He would wait until he had the opportunity, (when the bully was alone, his back was turned, something of that nature), then he would beat them so quickly and badly that they didn't have time to react before they were out cold.

**Tratues IV:** He heard about the Genocide that happened there, but was never a part of it.

**Education:** He doesn't remember anyone teaching him to do anything before he came to Vulcan. The earth center he was in wasn't equipped with schools. He knows he must have taught himself to read, write, talk correctly, and many other things, but he doesn't remember teaching himself. It seemed like he had always known how to do these things. By the time he went to Vulcan he could read, write, speak, think, and understand as well, if not better, then any adult human. From the time he was adopted he was trained in the ways of the Vulcans. He attended their schools (although a few lessons had to be modified for him), learned their customs, emotional and mental control, and habits. He knows that he is human and not Vulcan, knows that his blood is red, that he has nowhere near the physical or mental strength, but despite these things and much more, he considers himself to _be_ Vulcan. They are his people. Their culture, beliefs, language, laws, teachings, secrets, and control are his own.

**Relationships With Women**

**Attitude:** Outside of his family, he treats them indifferently. It is rare that he will feel respect or any genuine concern for them.

**Sex:** He has only had sex with one women, and he had not wished to do it. He had done it because he had thought he had been keeping Spock safe. He and Spock had been bondmates for several years when he was captured by an alien woman named Sylvia. She chained him up in an underground room and proceeded to torture him. In order to keep Spock from feeling his pain he closed their link. In doing so he also closed his emotions and thoughts to Spock. After she had tortured him for over two hours she told him, with a knowing smile, that she had captured Spock as well and was going to kill him unless he had sex with her. Fear seized him, for he did not dare risk opening the bond and exposing Spock to his pain, so he had no way of knowing if she was speaking the truth. That smile told him she knew that he and Spock were lovers. How had she known, when no one in the ship or the Empire suspected a thing? It didn't matter. He would do it. She had just finished when the door crashed open and Spock rushed into the room. Without pausing he fired his phaser at Sylvia, killing her. The emotions in his bondmates eyes tore at him. Fear, worry, anger, and relief were all present

As soon as his bonds were gone, despite his wounds (broken ribs, torn muscles, deep gashes on his legs, and whip marks on his back that were still bleeding) he fell to his knees in front of his bondmate, his neck exposed, hands palms up in front of him. He was performing the Vulcan gesture that one only takes when they have committed infidelity, and are offering their life to their mate in return for their act. Spock kneeled in front of him and gently but firmly grasped his upper arms, pulling him off the cold stone floor until he was on his knees. "James, open your bond". He said, his normally velvet smooth voice horse and chocked with suppressed emotions. He hesitated, not wanting to feel Spocks' anger toward him, even though he knew he deserved it. Knowing that he would have to sooner or later he reluctantly opened his bond, still keeping his eyes fixed on Spocks' bloodstained boot. He let Spock see everything: his capture, bondage, the pain he endured as the whip fell upon his back, how she told him that she was going to kill Spock, knowing what he had to do, but hating himself for it.

He had grown up with Vulcan beliefs and costumes. Adultery was considered to be one of the greatest taboos among his people. What if Spock blamed him? "Look at me James!" Spock said, his voice as fierce as that of a mother Panther guarding her cubs. He began to lift his head, but apparently he was too slow because Spock grabbed his chin and roughly jerked his head up so he was looking into his eyes. As his husband spoke the bond pulsed with _grief, reassurance, comfort, acceptance, anger, and love._ "You are not to blame! What you choose to do was exactly what I would have done for you if our roles had been reversed! If you think I would or could end your life for this, even if you had welcomed her into your body, then you obviously need to examine the bond more closely! I could no sooner end your existence then rip apart my soul!" His bondmates voice was still deadly, yet his grip upon his face and arm was gentle. He had been foolish to doubt his bondmates' reaction. He opened his mouth to speak but Spock put his finger to his lips. _**Don't talk. Your throat is torn and sustained much damage from your screams and the strangulation that creature inflicted upon you.**_ He realized he was feeling no pain even though he should have been racked with it, and knew Spock was transferring all his pain onto himself. He let his disapproval move through the bond as he replied, _I'm sorry. I was frightened Spock. You shouldn't be taking my pain, I didn't want it inflicted upon you._ Amusement ran through the bond._** You forget that I am capable of handling much more pain, and that I have the ability to ignore it.**_ He felt the lightheadedness of fainting spell creeping up on him. The last thing he was aware of was Spock gently lifting him into his arms. 

**Those that had meant something to him**

No woman, besides his mother and sisters, has ever meant anything to him

**Relationships With Men**

**Attitude:** He treats them the same way he treats woman.

**Sex:** The only man he has ever had sex with is Spock. He has never desired another. 

**Those that had meant something to him**

**Spock:** He's everything to him. 

**First Meetings**

**Leonard McCoy:** They met when he began to work on the I.S.S Enterprise as first officer under Christopher Pike. He hates this man. Leonard McCoy is Xenophobic, racist, and hypocritical. He has insulted Spock, his siblings, has kept Christine from moving up in medical rank. The desire to discipline him with torture or kill him was very strong, but he could not because he, Spock, and his family had to maintain the image of mistrust and hatred between them. If he killed or disciplined McCoy everyone would know why, for he had not done anything else that would have warranted it. He was very glad when Christine killed him.

**Spock:** They meet when they were four at the adoption center on Vulcan. He had been transported there from earth two days previously. His first view was that of a small boy with black hair and pointed ears standing next to another pointed eared boy. As he looked at him he felt a strange warmth run through his body, as if he had been dunked into a warm bath. He saw who he assumed was the boys' parents come around the corner accompanied by one of the Vulcan caretakers. The man was tall with dark brown hair and eyes, while the woman had medium red hair and olive green eyes. He watched as the Vulcan healer raised a hand in his direction, beckoning him. He took the few steps forward, feeling excitement rise in his stomach. He had overheard the caretakers talking about the newly appointed Vulcan ambassador, Sork who had been appointed after the pervious ambassador, Seark and his wife had been killed, was coming to the center to locate a child to adopt. Were they considering him?

As he walked his eyes drifted to the boy. The boy was standing slightly behind the taller boy, who he assumed was his brother. The warmth he had felt was becoming stronger the nearer he came, almost like he was standing over a fire which was constantly having wood added. Yet the warmth was not painful, it was soothing. The boy was obviously feeling it to, for he was quickly but silently backing away from him. When he was two steps from them he stopped, keeping his eyes respectfully trained on the mans' chin. He tried to keep his attention and gaze focused on the adults but they kept drifting to the boy, who had retreated to stand in the corner of the room. Apprehension was coursing through him. He could not shake the feeling that something bad was about to happen to the boy. "He seems to have a very limited attention span". The woman said. "Yes", the man replied. "Perhaps we should look at children who do not have defects"

He barley heard them. One of the Vulcan boys at the center, a tall six year old by the name of Kirin was looming over the boy in the corner. Kirin was "very mean", as his mind had dubbed him. In the few days he had been here he had seen him stealing, pushing, and hurting the other children. He saw Kirin slap the boy. The family turned at the sound of the slap, but he was already halfway across the room. He had started running the second Kirin raised his hand, and by the time the blow had connected to the boy's face he was in the air, having leapt at Kirin. As he hit Kirin he felt rage consume him. He didn't know why he felt this because he had seen other children hurt by Kirin and it hadn't affected him in the slightest. All he knew was that the boy had been threatened, and been hurt. Even at the age of four the rage inside him was so strong it demanded blood. With Kirin being so much larger then himself he did the only logical thing and sunk his teeth into his ear. The taste of green blood exploded in his mouth, Kirin was howling, then he was being pulled away. The boy's father was holding him by the shoulders, staring at him. "You defended my son although you have no previous experience with him. Why?" "He was being hurt".

The Caretaker was standing at the man's elbow. She seemed confused as she said " He has never behaved in this manner. Normally there is no reaction, even when other children are harmed". The man glanced at his wife then at his sons, the older boy having had moved to stand protectively in front of the younger one. "What is your name?" the man asked. "James Kirk." He replied at once. As the man returned his attention to the Caretaker he moved closer to the boy, who was standing stone still, as if he could not believe he had been struck. With no thought other then to make sure the boy was alright he crossed the few feet that separated them and stopped just short of touching him. "Are you alright? What's your name?" The boy regarded him for a few seconds before replaying, "I'm unharmed. My name is Spock. This is Stonn". He gestured to the boy next to him. As he moved his arm his hand brushed his and an eclectic current seemed to race through them, starting from the tips of their fingers and rushing through every cell, every vein, every nerve until it had completed its path and ended, again at their fingertips. Spocks brown eyes widened and he looked over at his parents. He followed his gaze to find Spocks parents staring at them with a strange yet subtle expression in their eyes. One hour latter he had been adopted by this family. He walked with them out of the Center, Spock so close to him he could feel the heat of his body through his clothes.

**Stonn:** At their first meeting he only knew him as "the boys' brother". He liked him from the first because of the way he watched over Spock in the center and had been prepared to protect him. When he was adopted he learned that Spock wasn't his biological sibling, just as he was not. He also learned that it didn't matter to Stonn, the way it might have for another Vulcan.

**Savvid:** Their first meeting took place at their home after he had been adopted. Savvid looked from Spock to himself, a slight frown upon his face before quickly disappearing. Savvid didn't know about the bond that was already forming between him and Spock (the way his parents already did, as he would later learn), but he could feel something was different about his twin, and that this boy was the cause of it. Savvid didn't react with jealously or anger toward him. In that instant he accepted him as fully as he accepted Spock.

**T'Pring:** They meet when they were five at the school library. She had been reading _Gone With The Wind_ and working on a book report while he, Spock, and Stonn were working on Calculus. She paused in her writing, and, looking at his brothers asked if they knew of a word that would replace embarrassment. His brothers were silent, thinking, but he didn't have to ponder to know an alternative. As he opened his mouth he stopped, for she had not asked him, and it would be rude to answer himself. He could see she was beginning to grow impatient with the five seconds his brothers were taking to respond, so he decided to answer. "Humiliation". He said, looking straight into her dark eyes. Surprise flickered briefly in her eyes before being masked. "You're a human, and a very young one at that. How did you know that word?" Without a trace of pride in his voice, for he was simply stating a fact after all, he replied, "I have in IQ level of 205". The pride may not have been in his voice, but he could feel it slightly in his stomach. _I have to work harder at control._ He saw Spock shoot him a quick glance, a mixture of amusement and concern in his brown eyes. "Thank you". T'Pring said, drawing his attention away from Spock. For the remaining two hours they were silent, but from that day she became their friend.

**Christine:** They meet when they were fourteen. He was walking in the school hallway when he noticed a girl, seemingly Terran, with white blonde hair crouched on the floor. She appeared to be having trouble locating her medical book inside her bag, if her mutterings were any indication. Within seconds he spotted it inside her locker. When he handed it to her she laughed good naturally, then they walked with together to his next class, Medical Study, which they happened to share. He and his family became friends with her that day.

**Mirror Spock:** He had the displeasure of meeting him for the first and only time in the Mirror Universe. Despite the image that he gave of not knowing what was going on, he knew very well. He knew they were in a parallel universe form the moment they beamed aboard the ship. A spilt second view of the Mirror Spock was all it took. This Spock was not his bondmate. They had been friends for two years, brothers for fourteen, and lovers and bondmates for twenty. He knew all of Spock. Knew everything from his mind, to his soul, to the way he moved, to what the slightest change in his voice, expression, or body language meant. This Spock was not his. He was too passive, weak, and unwilling to use violence to solve an issue. His voice was just the slightest bit different from that of his husband, he didn't have a goatee, they both moved like a cat, gracefully and confidently, but his husbands movements was like that of a Panther, graceful, confident, and very deadly. This Spocks way of moving was like that of a Wild Cat, still graceful and confident, but just barely capable of being a threat.

The one way that they were the same however was the love that this Spock had for his Counterpart. His emotions matched that of his bondmates for him. He could tell that this Spock and his Captain had formed almost a full bond between them. In fact, the bond was only a single thread away from being complete, for although they were lovers in the emotional sense, they were not in the physical or mental. He did not know how he knew this. Maybe a small part of his and Spocks' bond was present in their Counterparts in every universe? Possibly his bond was trying to find Spocks' mental presence, and unable to do so, had weakly latched on to the one mind that most resembled its' mates'? Whatever the reason it didn't change the fact that he was very dismayed by this version of his T'hy'la. To make matters worse the Mirror Crew had locked him in a room with his crew, each of whom would have no objections to killing him. For the three days and nights they were there he didn't sleep, kept all of his senses on their fullest degree, nor did he eat anything unless he received it directly from the Mirror Crews' hands. Under normal circumstances going so long without sleep and the constant guard he was forced to maintain would not have been a problem but he had not slept for two days before they came into this universe, and the stress, lack of sleep, and the longing that he felt for his mate was getting to him.

When they were finally able to return to their own universe the first thing that he saw was his bondmate. The relief, worry, and love in his eyes and through the bond were invisible to everyone but him. He stood motionless as his crew gave the normal salute before heading from the room, exhaustion momentarily overtaking him. What happened next was pure reflex. He felt a body brush against his. Normally he would not have reacted, for he was in the presence of Spock, Stonn, Savvid, and T'Pring, and anyone trying to kill him would had to have been suicidal to attempt it in the presence of these Vulcans, each of whom gave the impression that they would kill to protect him because it was in their job description. His stress level, emotions, and reactions were stretched to the breaking point, and when the body brushed against him they snapped. With a motion almost too fast for the human eye to track he whipped out his dagger and gouged a deep line from chin to hairline. He came back to himself has he heard a shriek of pain and heard Spock shout _**James**_ through the bond. The shout was coupled with a strong wave of concern. Within in seconds Stonn had locked the doors to the room and had dismantled the cameras. Without sparing a glance for Uhura, who was out cold and bleeding on the floor Spock walked up to him and took his hands with both of his_**. James are you well? Have you been harmed in anyway?**_ _No Spock. You would know if I had__**. That is normally true, but you have the most irritating habit of blocking pain from me in a misguided attempt to shield me. Your stress and exhaustion is in need of immediate remedy T'hy'la**__. You do the same thing when you're harmed. And you are correct. I haven't slept in five days._ He pulled Spock to him at the same moment Spock mirrored the action. Their arms went around each other as they kissed, then they lightly traced the others jaw line and forehead with their fingertips, a very intameant gesture between bondmates while in the presence of others. His body sagged slightly as he felt some of the stress leave him. Love flowed through their bond. _**I am greatly relieved to have you back. I have been most restless in your absence James.**_ _As have I._

They pulled away and moved toward their siblings. Savvid was holding the still uncoucious Uhura by the neck while Christine sucked blood out of the gash. Stopping, Christine walked over and hugged him tightly, her hands gripping his upper arms as she pulled back. "Never do that again!" she whispered harshly. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears, fear and happiness leaked through her voice, and Uhura's' blood was staining her lips, making them a bright crimson. He put his hand on the back of her neck and squeezed gently. "Don't worry." he said. He looked over her to Savvid. His brother didn't say anything, simply nodded, a grave expression was well hidden in his eyes. This meant "You scared the crap out of us." T'Pring was standing next to the control panels, monitoring the computer activity in case someone tried to restore the visual. As he passed her she reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. "It is very pleasing to have retrieved you **sa-kai**". She said quietly. This was her way of saying "I was scared as heck, I love you, and I'm so glad we were able to find you". He smiled fondly as he replied "I as well **ko-kai**". They moved toward the door where Stonn was stationed, listening for anyone aproching the doors. Although his blank expression did not change he reached out and lightly grasped his wrist. "You're sudden absence was alarming **sa-kai**" This was his way of saying, "You scared me. Try not to do it again". Within seconds the doors and cameras had been reactivated and they walked to his quarters, their normal masks in place. Within two minutes of entering his cabin Spock entered through the adjoining bathroom. He didn't fear sleeping, for he knew T'Pring was standing guard outside his door and Stonn and Savvid were standing guard outside Spocks'. Their siblings would not let anyone disturb them. They crawled into their bed, leaving no space between their bodies. He began to fall asleep almost at once. Just before he drifted off completely he heard Spock say softly and reverently, "I cherish thee my adun"

**Ulric:** This Romulan Commander is his, his mates, and his siblings' friend. Ulric is the only one they trust outside of each other. Ulric knows he and Spock are bondmates, that they are siblings, that Stonn and T'Pring are mates and about T'Lyra and Phillip. He has visited them on the ISS Enterprise, they have been on his ship. They all know the others' ships layout, weakness, and strengths. Ulric has visited their home on Vulcan, has seen their parents and T'Lyra and Phillip many times. If they need help, whether it's because their ship is under attack or they require help plotting a murder he will always aid them. They do the same for him. They know that they can trust him with their lives, and Ulric knows his own is safe within their hands. As in the way of his race Ulric is very loyal to them, for they are his friends. Romulans rarely form friendships, but when they do their trust and loyalty will never waver, continuing even after death. They are very fourantate indeed to have met this Romulan. They could not ask for a better friend.

**Love  
**  
**Spock:** He doesn't know when the love he felt began to change from brotherly love into that of lovers. All he knows is that by the time he was seventeen he loved Spock with everything he had.

**Stonn, T'Pring, Savvid, Christine**: These Vulcans and Vampire are his siblings. It doesn't matter they are a different species, have different colored blood, or have abilities that are far soupier to his. They are his family, and he is theirs'.

**Telling**  
**  
Spock how he felt:** When he told Spock he was nervous. He was only 90% sure that Spock loved him in the same way that he loved him. Over the years he had seen the changes. The way Spock looked at him, spoke to him, behaved around him, and touched him had changed from the way his siblings behaved, to the way his parents behaved around one another. He had also noticed his own behavior changing to that of his parents. Spock now seemed to have a large place in his thoughts and dreams. After he told Spock he looked down at the floor, prepared for rejection. He needn't have worried. Instead Spock placed his fingers under his chin and gently lifted his head until their eyes meet. The joy, desire, loyalty, devotion, and love he saw there made his breath catch in his throat. "I have felt the same way for three years, two months, six days, and four hours James. Your feelings are returned to the fullest extent". They were bonded three months later.

**When he and Spock became a couple:**

**Family:** They hadn't looked at them with shock or disgust. They didn't accuse them of being illogical or try to per sway them from each other. His father had raised an eyebrow and said "I trust you will be very discreet. You both will be in great danger if any enemies you may develop should discover your relationship." Their mother had given them the Vulcan form of a smile and touched her fingertips to their faces. Stonn and T'Pring both said, in unison, "You both have been rather obtuse regarding the exact nature of your affection". Christine smiled at them while Savvid raised an eyebrow. That was all that their family ever said on the matter.

**Children  
**  
**Their Son:** When Christine told them Spock was pregnant they were both shocked beyond words. Spock didn't have the typical genitals of a male Vulcan, owing do doubt to his hybrid nature. He had the double ridged penis and balls, but no vagina. They'd thought that because Spock lacked a vagina it meant he possessed no organs that were necessary to conceive and carry children. Apparently they were wrong.

When they learned Spock was pregnant his first reaction was fear followed by joy. They had both wanted a child, but had thought the risk was too great. They were both very high members of the Empire, and, just as with T'Lyra, there would be no hesitation in killing their child. They also both wanted to in their child's life, not in space while he/she grew and learned. A typical male Vulcan pregnancy lasted three months, and they had a shore leave in two days that was scheduled for four months. They could hide out until the baby was born, send it to Vulcan to live with their parents, then, separately so it wouldn't look strange they could retire from Starfleet. While on shore leave he, Spock, and their siblings stayed in a medium sized house in the middle of the country. Their son was born via C section performed by Christine three months and five days after they arrived.

He laid on the bed with Spock, both looking at the tiny person in his arms. Surak had sable hair, dark hazel eyes, small slanted eyebrows, and tiny pointed ears. "He's ours Spock. This is our son." "Yes James." Spock whispered, his fingers gently tracing the slant of their sons eyebrows, the bond flowing with pride, awe, joy, and love. Through the parental link he and Spock had both performed with their son they could feel faint emotions of _confusion, curiosity, and contentment_. The link would become stronger the longer it was in existence. That night their siblings left with Surak to go to Vulcan to introduce him to their parents and to establish the family link, which would link Saurks' mind to all of theirs.

They lay in their bed. His arms were wrapped around Spock, who was deeply asleep, his own arms curled around his waist. He smiled as he softly stroked soft hair of his husband, his eyes taking in the faint lines around his eyes and mouth, the small scar on the tip of his right ear, how relaxed his thin mouth looked in sleep, the way the moonlight turned his black beard into an ink pool. He could never put into words the depth of his feelings for this man who was his friend, husband, lover, brother, the one that he would give his life, freedom, or sanity for and whom he trusted with his. This Vulcan was the father of their child, his protector, confident, and advisor. He loved him with everything he had. As he fell asleep neither he nor Spock knew they wouldn't live to see the morning.

**Death  
**  
**Christopher Pike:** He had always disliked and mistrusted this man. He would never have given his life to protect him, rescued him in the event that he was taken hostage, or would have tried to save his life. It didn't matter he was his captain. Contrary to what he told Starfleet Command Pikes' murderer hadn't taken several weeks of careful planning. In fact it hadn't been planned at all. He had walked into the medical lab to find Pike holding a phaser on Christine. Stopping dead he watched the scene warily. He was anxious, but not for Christine's' life. She was a Vampire, and anyone threatening a Vampire had to have an IQ that was lower then a rock and dirt combined, which Pike obviously did. Vampires surpassed Vulcans in their strength, speed, and agility. Their ears were able to hear and pinpoint the smallest noise, while their eyes could see and track the weakest possible movement. They were so fierce and deadly in battle that their opponent would be ripped apart within seconds. No, he wasn't anxious for Christine's' well being. He was anxious because if she killed him, then, according to Empire law, she would have to become the Captain. The problem with that was she was a Vampire and did not have the right to become captain according to law, and she was a woman, which granted her even less rights. She was very likely to be either arrested or killed minutes after assuming command.

Coming to the conclusion in a matter of seconds he quietly began to walk forward until he was a foot behind Pike. Christine, who had not given any indication that he was there, was crouched on the floor, her eyes cold and deadly, her body tensed to spring. Her lips were curled her expose her fangs, fully extended, ½ an inch in length, sharp enough to slice through metal as easily as butter. A low hiss escaped her throat, warning Pike away. Suddenly Pike sung around to face him, somehow having heard him. Christine snarled and sprang at Pike, trying to protect him, but he was already in motion. Quicker then any human could perceive he jabbed his arm forward, driving it into Pikes' chest. He felt his hand breaking through bone, felt the heat of the blood and the body surrounding it, until he felt the heart beneath his fingers. Without hesitation he closed his fingers around the wet, throbbing muscle and pulled. In seconds his hand came into view, clutching the still beating organ, the blood squirting out of the severed veins. His arm was coated with blood up to his elbow, so thick it appeared black. _**What's wrong James?**_ Spock asked as Pike fell to the ground_. Pike threatened Christine and myself._ _**Ahh, so you killed him.**_ _Yes._ _**I wish you hadn't, even if you were protecting our sister. You are now the Captain and a larger target.**_ _I know. I'm sorry._

The sounds of rapid footsteps reached his ears. Turning his head he saw T'Pring and another man, Jacobs round the corner. Jacobs stopped dead and stared at the gaping hole in Pikes' chest, then turned white as he saw the heart in Kirks' hand. T'Pring however, merely stopped momentarily, clasped her hands behind her back, and took her new place on his left side. He glanced at his sister. Her eyes were calm, yet determined. He knew she was telling Stonn what had happened, the same way Christine was undoubtedly telling Savvid. Glancing to his right he saw Christine, her usually flawless platinum blonde hair disheveled, with streaks of scarlet blood dripping from the ends. Her fangs were still partially extended, her eyes calm and measured, sweeping from Jacobs to himself. Already his sisters were papering to defend him should Jacobs or another crewmember try to avenge Pike. He was now the Captain, and although he did not wish to be, he would do his very best to be a good one.

**Marleena**: Despite what she thought he had never had sex with her, just as he had never had sex with any of the women or men that he had brought to his bed over the years. As the captain of a Starship he had an image as a playboy to uphold, so he would either flirt to get someone to his rooms, or he would order them. That was where their physical interactions ended however, for Spock would meld with them and give them false memories of sex with him. Their "interactions" would continue for days, perhaps months, the memories changing slightly each time, before he would "grow tired" of them and kick them out. Unlike the others he had been planning on killing her because she was becoming soupioues of him and Spock. Her death was going to be relatively painless, perhaps strangulation or the Tantalus Field, but in a meld with Spock the morning after he returned from the Mirror Universe he learned she had tried to trick his Counterpart into killing him.

In their rooms four hours latter, while Spock watched from the foot of the bed he brutally and painfully killed her. In the three hours it took for her to die Spock said nothing, nor did any emotion pass over his face. If someone had been watching his Vulcan they would have thought that he had no reaction to the bleeding, sobbing, broken, pain racked woman on the bed, or that the person committing this seemingly sadistic act was his bondmate. James Kirk knew differently. Spocks' pride in him and his act, amusement that he was enjoying the pain and terror in her eyes, appreciation for his methods, lust for him, and the fascination and excitement at the way Marleena responded to the agony his husband was bestowing upon her, were rushing through the bond as powerfully as an ocean current. After she was dead Spock walked up to him and tenderly brushed the strands of bloodstained hair out of his eyes. _**You were magnificent James. Your ability to cause extreme pain in your victims has always been very profound and arousing T'hy'la.**_ He smiled, his eyes filling with the combat ion of playful flirting and lust that Spock was all too familiar with. _I am well aware of the effect I have on you adun. Perhaps you could take the next one? I always enjoy the experience more if you are the one causing them to scream. __**Very well. If that is your wish**_. Her body disappeared with help from the Tantalus Field, and a few hours later he signed the papers that would have transferred her to the I.S.S Jellyfish . The fact that she never boarded the ship, well, that wasn't his problem.

**Spock: **On the night their siblings had gone to Vulcan he awoke late in the night to find Spock sitting up in bed. _**James, something is wrong.**_ Worry coursed through the bond. As he quickly moved to get out of the bed the door burst open and one of the crewman burst into the room, pointing a phaser at him. Before he could move the phaser fired and Spock had flung him out of the way. As he crashed into the wall he felt a searing pain in his left side, the same spot were Spocks' heart….. _SPOCK!!!!!_ He rose from the ground and rushed over to his bondmate. His T'hy'la was laying on the bed, green blood flowing hot and fast from his heart, so quickly that applying pressure would make no difference. "James," he gasped, his voice, normally so deep and rich, the voice that was dearer to him then anything in the universe, was horse and wet due to the blood that was pooling in his throat. "You do not need to fear. The bond will cause your death the same instant as mine". "I know," he whispered, tears streaming from his eyes.

He clutched Spocks hand, feeling sorrow and love through the bond. "I hope you don't regret fully bonding us andu, because I don't. I've told you time and time again I don't want to live without you. I've meant it every time". _**Never James. If it were you I would welcome the instant death the bond would grant me. The only thing I regret is that we will not see our son grow.**_ _Yes, I wish this wasn't so._ Spocks' breathing was becoming harsher and quicker, he could feel his husbands' life becoming weaker with each pump of the blood from his body. Greif and fear settled in him like a thunder cloud, causing him to tightly grasp Spock against him and press light, brief kisses upon his face. He could feel every bond that tied him to this man, from their minds, to their souls, to their nerves, each coiled around the other so tightly it had been impossible for the Vulcan elders to tell where Spock ended and he began, fading. What if, somehow, Spock was wrong, and he lived ? Their mental bond was now so weak he could barley feel the mind of his husband knotted around his own. Spocks' voice came through the bond, barely audible, seconds away from death. _**Have no worry… James. You will ….. join me in a few moments. I love you, my ashayam … my t'hy'la.**_

**His Own:** As he heard Spocks' last, faint words he became aware of many footsteps, quickly approaching the door. His siblings and parents rushed into the room, not stopping in the doorway where the body of the crewman lay, having been propelled their by the force of Spocks' telepathy, but moving frantically to knell beside them. He felt faint affection through the last, weak links of the bond, not directed at him, but at their family surrounding them. A small smile came to his face as he glanced at them. Their emotional control seemed to have cracked, for tears were streaming down each of their faces. Suddenly he knew no more, a peaceful blackness sounded him. He was floating, no he was falling through the air. Was he moving up, down, sideways? He had no sight, he was completely blind. Then there was a light, and, standing next to him, holding out his hand, was Spock. Smiling, he took his beloveds' hand.

**Translations**

_**Ashayam – beloved **_

**sa-kai – brother**

**ko-kai - sister**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

**Star Trek 2009: James Kirk**

**Family**

**Dad: **His father, George died on the day he was born. He knows nothing about him except he died a hero, liked to play sports, and loved his antique car. He's heard many times that he looks very much like him, from his eyes, to his hair color, to his mouth. His nose, cheekbones, and eyebrows are his mothers. He's extremely glad he doesn't look exactly like his father, because he knows his mother would give him those looks much more frequently, and they hurt badly enough the number of times he receives them.

**Mom: **His mother, Wionnena, was hardly ever there when he was growing up. Most of the time she was in space on a mission. He had mixed feelings about her. On one hand he missed her, loved her, and wanted to please her. On the other hand he hated her, didn't want her to return, and didn't care if she was ever pleased with him. Sam said that she didn't know what Frank was like, how he would hurt them, but he knew that she knew. She would see the bruises on those rare occasions when she called planet side. Her eyes would dart from them to Frank, a semi pleased expression would enter them, but she would never say anything about the marks.

He grew to hate her for this: she was their mother, she was supposed to protect her children. When she was home, about twice a year, she would hardly speak to him, barley aknowdgle his presence. If he was noticed her eyes and expression would tell him quite plainly how she felt. They would fill and twist with rage, hatred, disgust, and grief. She didn't love him, she thought he was worthless, she hated him, and she blamed him for the death of his father. When Frank would call him names, degraded him, or strike him she never said one word or raised a hand to stop him. Once, two years after Sam left she walked in on Frank beating him with his belt. He had screamed and pleaded for her to help, to stop him, but she merely looked at him, then left, going back to the Starship. He was fifteen when he last saw or heard from her. After he ran away he didn't bother to contact her, and she didn't try to find him. He didn't expect her to.

**Frank: **He simountsantly loathed and loved this man. He loathed Frank because he was fond of beating him. Every day he would strike him, with what it didn't matter. His fist, a belt, his foot, a baseball bat, a heavy book, broken glass, anything and everything he could use he did. When he was nine Frank wrapped barbed wire around his arms. He was made to stand perfectly still for hours. The wire sliced deep into his arms, pain raced through them like lighting, blood dripped from the cuts to puddle onto the floor, but he wasn't allowed to let the smallest noise escape him. That hadn't posed a problem. He was well used to keeping his pain inside. He still has the scars from the wire. They're raised, pink, and wrap around his arms from just above his wrists to his biceps. There are many more scars scattered over his body. They range from his back to his scalp to his hand. He remembers each one. It's the scars on the inside that are the worst. Frank would constantly call him names. Worthless, stupid, looser, screw up, faggot, and shit head were just a few of his favorites. He loved him because he was the only father he ever knew. He tried to please him, to make Frank love him. It was because he loved him that the blows and names hurt so badly, why they still cut him. They say time heals all wounds, but that's a lie. The wounds on his body may be healed, but the ones inside are still bleeding.

**Sam: **At first he would play with him, try to teach him things, and attempt to protect him from Frank. As time went on however these occurrences became less and less. He ignored him, yelled at him, and no longer tried to step in when Frank beat him. The day he left he begged him to stay, but he wasn't talking about the person Sam had become. He wanted the brother Sam used to be. Sam hasn't contacted him since he was ten years old. He doesn't know if he's alive or dead, has a family, or if he's homeless. He doesn't know if he wants to find him.

**Spock: **He's his husband, best friend, lover, bondmate, and t'hy'la. He holds him in the absolute highest degree of respect, trust, honor, and love that he is capable. He has never made him feel worthless, unloved, or unvalued. He will give him subtle complements about his skills, personality, and appearance, his favorite aspect being his eyes. His eyes are blue, but not an ordinary blue. They will change depending on his mood anywhere from a blue so light they appear white to a blue so dark they appear jet black. Until Spock the most common word he's heard to describe them was "unnatural", with an occasional "unusual" thrown in, but "exquisite" had never been one of them.

When Spock had first called them that he had laughed uneasily replaying, "Exquisite? I've always heard they're unnatural". _Sadness, regret, surprise, anger, love, sincerity, determination_ flowed into him through the bond. His bondmate stepped close to him, his ebony orbs glowing, and put his hands on his face, his thumbs gently caressing just below his eyes. Spocks' voice was gentle yet intense as he said, "There is nothing unnatural about them T'hy'la. Your stepfather is wrong yet again. Your eyes are one of the most exquisite and fascinating things about you. I have never wished for them to be any different, and if it were so I would miss them greatly."__ He closed his eyes knowing he was sending _disbelief, confusion, __delight, awe, gratefulness _to Spock_. _As he did so he felt him lean down and gently press a kiss to each of his eyelids. From that point on, everyday, Spock never failed to tell or show him that he thought his eyes, as well as every part of him, including every scar, was exquisite. 

**Leonard McCoy: **Upon first meeting him he had only liked him, but has time went on he grew to respect and trust him. Bones earned his respect and trust because he rarely insulted him, and when he did he knew he never meant it. He always picked him up from bars when he was too drunk to drive back to campus, and would fix him up if he had gotten into a fight, with much grouching and complaining on his part. He cared if he was stressed, angry, scared, hurt, or unhappy. He always had his back in a fight, (even though it was pretty rare that he got dragged into one), or if he got into trouble. He is rude, sarcastic, blunt, a complainer, illness obsessed, and gruff. He's also smart, kind, cares about his patients, is a neat freak, can cook so well he could be a professional chef, and is loyal to a fault. Over time his trust, respect, loyalty, love grew until he felt about Bones the way he should have felt for Sam. Leonard McCoy is his brother.

**Nyota Uhura: **Upon their first meeting she was an attraction and a challenge. He only felt lust for her, nothing more. As three years progressed he began to feel amusement, respect, and was growing to like her as a person. When he saw the way she acted around Spock and learned that they were together, he felt jealously and anger toward her. He thought he did a good job at hiding his jealously, and latter his lust and love toward Spock, but Bones and would call him on it. "Don't look so much like you want to kill her Jim." Bones would mutter when he caught him staring at Uhuras' hand on Spocks arm. When he and Spock would have a conversation, Bones would give him a look that said, "Cut back on the love and eye sex look man. Do you _want_ Uhura to kick your ass?" After she and Spock had been broken up for a while, his friendly feelings began to return, and after she had gotten together with Gaila he began to think of her as a sister.

She is Gailas' mate and wife. In a few short years she has gone from a member of his crew to his sister and friend. He would do anything for her, just as she would do anything for him, as she thinks of him as a brother. Nyota is quick tempered, sharp tongued, observant, caring, reserved with her feelings, opionated, has more talent in languages then anyone he's ever meet, can sing so well if she wasn't in Starfleet she would make it big as a professional singer, takes learning very seriously, isn't one to complain about anything or anyone, and her loyalty, pride, love, and sense of family knows no bounds.

**Gaila: **She is an Orion and an Empath. She has the ability to feel the emotions of people if she's in close proximity to them. She knew that Nyota wanted, needed, and loved her years before she herself did. She may act stupid, but she's in the top of her classes. When she wants to she can slip into a cultured, precise speech quality, and give such detailed and accurate information that it rivals Spocks. It may be because of her Orion blood, or maybe it's just the way she is naturally, but she is very sensual in everything from the slightest movement to her voice. Some members of his crew have considered her nothing more then a whore and have sexually harassed her, simply because she's Orion. Those crewmembers haven't lasted very long onboard the Enterprise. Either one of his siblings have scared them into leaving, or he's transferred them to another ship along with a official report of sexual harassment. That report guarantees that they will be kept under 24/7 watch for four years and will remain on ship duty for eight months. Despite being very smart and experienced in her work she had a childlike innocence, couiousity, love, and loyalty about her. Perhaps this is why she is considered the youngest of his siblings, and why she's the one they're most protective of.

Even though they had sex in the past, he now thinks of her as his sister, just as she considers him to be her brother. She is true to her races' nature and is very possessive and protective of Nyota, particularly were sexual matters are concerned. When Nyota was taken captive as part of a landing party and sold into the Orion slave trade he got too witness this first hand. He had always heard the saying "Touch a Orions mate, loose a hand. Feel their mate, loose a head", but he had never fully understood it until they rescued Nyota. When they found her she was naked, bruises littering her body, blood oozing from under the manacles on her wrists, ankles and the color around her neck that kept her chained to the wall. Tears marred her face, and a haunted look was in her eyes. Imeadtly knowing what they had done to her, with fury rising in him he had started forward, intending to phaser down every one of the five people around her, but Gaila beat him to it. She had rushed passed him, and with raw, uncontrolled fury in her eyes and a battle cry issuing from her throat she proceeded to punish those who had touched her mate. In a rare display of ferocity and her full strength she grabbed each of them by the throat and ripped off their genitals.

Not pausing as their blood stained her body or their agonized screams reached her ears she punished the last one, then turned her attention to Nyota. She slowly approached her, softly speaking to her in Swahili. When she reached her she put the very tips of her fingers on her cheek, knowing that, for awhile at least she would hate touch. She was correct for when she felt her fingers she tried to jerk her head away, the color making it impossible, but stilled once she recognized Gaila. Keeping her fingers on her face and continuing to speak softly she broke the manacles and color with one hand, then gently lifted her into her arms. She walked passed him and the landing party, not looking at them or bothering to walk around the blood as she made her way to the beam up point. When he got back to the ship he didn't bother to hide his feelings from Spock. He felt the rage and agony pouring off his mate, and knew Spock felt the same from him. In a rare display of public affection Spock put his arms around him, hugging him tightly. Clutching Spocks' shoulders he broke down, sobbing, venting his own rage, helplessness, and agony over what had been done to their sister. Two tears landed on his neck, alerting him to the fact that Spock was expressing his own emotions. _I want to go back and kill them. They… raped her Spock. She was chained to that wall like chattel. __**I feel this way as well Jim, but they no doubt have already died from blood loss. Nyota will recover from this. She's strong, and Gaila will help her. **_Yes,he now understands the meaning of that phrase, and wishes to every god in the universe that he didn't.

Montgomery Scott, Hikaru Sulu, Pavel Chekov: They are more then friends, but less then brothers. Like cousins he supposes. He cares about them, is loyal to them, trusts and respects them, but he wouldn't do _anything_ for them. If it came down to a choice between them or one of his family, his family would win out every time. They all know this, but none of them judge him or look down on him. They know what family means to him.

**Childhood**

**Pastimes: **Frank thought he didn't like to do anything with his free time. He loved to do many things, but because he knew Frank would either punish him for doing something he didn't like, or would destroy the object he enjoyed he kept his pastimes and talents a secret. He had always been incredibly gifted in all forms of art from painting, to music, to acting (although that could possibly be a learned skill rather then talent), to dancing, to drawing. He won over six hundred first place awards in art, music, and dance contests. For years Frank never had a clue, he made sure his work, awards, and talents were well concealed. When Frank did find out he beat him until he was lying in a heap on the floor, bruised, bleeding, and broken bones. The whole time Frank screamed at him, calling numerous variations of his favorite names, plus with a new ones thrown in. He ran away as soon as he was able to stay concessions for an hour. He was fifteen.

**Bullies: **He didn't have to much of a problem with them, but occanshily he'd get picked on. He was small for his age, smart, and wasn't very into in sports. When he was picked on they would try to beat him up. He'd try to fight back, but it didn't do too much good until he hit a growth spurt at fourteen and went from 5'5, 120 lbs to 6'2, 212lbs.

**Tratues IV: **After he drove his father's car off the cliff Frank had sent him there on the orders of his mother. He was sent to a work camp for troubled boys. He hadn't been there a day when Kudos took over. Most of the events have been blocked from him by his mind, but he does remember crowds of people pressed against him so tightly movement was nearly impossible, people screaming and fighting, confusion, fear, and hunger. The only clear memory he has is of Starships from the Federation coming and being carried onto a Starship. When the ships landed no one was waiting for him. Frank didn't come until about two AM. When Franks' hover car pulled up the usual terror gripped him. Frank was going to beat him so badly he wouldn't be able to move for days. Normally the beatings weren't that bad but Frank hadn't been able to lay a hand on him in who knows how long, and he was going to pay for it. He tried to hide himself behind the security booth, but before he got two feet his arm was crushed in grip so tight he felt the bone snap. Frank literately swung him off his feet and flung him into the car, knocking him out as his head hit the passenger door. When they reached the house Frank proceeded to punch, kick, and whip the living daylights out of him, paying no attention to his screams. By the end of a half hour he had three broken ribs, a broken arm, massive bruising on every part of his body, and so many gashes and welts on his back that not an inch of skin was visible.

Although he can't remember it he knows Tratues IV has affected him. He has mild panic attacks if he's in large noisy crowds, he'll eat his meals so quickly he barely tastes the food. While most people can only go two days without food or sleep before giving in to their needs, he's able to go four days without food or sleep before he even notices that he hasn't slept or eaten. He can't explain it, he just doesn't feel the hunger or lack of sleep, nor its effects. German Sheppard dogs terrify him, but no other breed does. Sometimes he'll have nightmares that he can never remember. He'll wake up drenched in sweat, terrified, certain that something or someone wanting to hurt him is nearby. Ever sense he and Spock began sleeping in the same bed the nightmares have been less frequent. Occanshially they still happen and when they do Spock is always there to hold him, make him feel safe with soothing words and emotions through the bond, by lightly kissing him until he calms down enough to go back to sleep. When he wakes in the morning he's still in the warm, tight, safe embrace of his husband.

**Education: **It was clear he was a genius and should be in a higher grade, but Frank being Frank wouldn't sign consent forms so he had to stay in his grade. Until his teachers began giving him higher level work he was board stiff. He was completing tenth grade work when he was in the fifth grade, and by the time he was in ninth grade he had completed six years worth of college. After he ran away he received no more formal education. He knew that Frank would be searching for him, and he knew Frank wasn't stupid. He knew he had to run far enough away so that Frank wouldn't bother to look for him there, and enrolling in school was out of the question because Frank would be pulling all records of enrollment for six hundred miles. In order to get the money he needed for food and shelter he lied about his age and began to work as many minimum wage jobs as possible. Work hours totaled fourteen hours a day for cleaning, fast food joints, washing cars, painting houses, and taking care of old people. Despite this he was only making $20.00 a day, barely enough for one meal a day, and nowhere near enough to rent a home. Homes alternated between alleys and homeless shelters. As he needed money, food, clothes, and to keep moderately clean he began stealing what he needed from stores and people. Good luck wasn't always in his favor and about 45% of the time he would get caught and arrested. At age 22 the total amounts of arrests totaled 18.

Living on the streets was dangerous, but also educational. He learned how to fight better, how to remain so unobservant that he could pick a man pocket in a crowded store and remain undetected, how to use words to avoid confrontations or to get away from attackers. He learned how to know what place was the safest or which person was most or least likely to be a threat at a mere glance. When he was seventeen he received education about computers from a man whom he cleaned house for who seemed to have taken a liking to him. He became a master at everything the man could teach him in a month, and after that he taught himself. Within three months he had become the most skilled and dangerous computer hacker in the country. He got ten calls a day from people who wanted him to rewrite programs, hack into top security files, even decode classified information. He was able to do all of these things and much more in a very short amount of time, but he never did it for free. He charged anywhere from 700 to 2,000 dollars a job, and required that he received the money before he completed a job. Despite making so much money he put it in the bank and never rented anything more then a small one bedroom apartment. For some reason he hadn't felt right renting a more expensive place. That was the extent of education for eight years until he joined Starfleet.

**Relationships With Women**

**Attitude: **He did respect woman, but his respect was given sparingly. Only those who had earned it received it. That didn't mean he didn't treat them well or not care if he had hurt them in some way, or didn't think that they were capble of doing what men could do and didn't deserve the same rights as men, it just meant he didn't think to much of them unless they had earned it.

**Sex: **Most of his experiences of sex with woman involve one night stands or an hour or two at their place. A few times he has been in a relationship for a month or two, and, contrary to popular myth he has never cheated on them. He doesn't believe in it. If you commit yourself to someone then you stay committed until you don't want to be, and you break it off before you find someone else.

**Those that had meant something to him**

**Heather: **She had been a combination of a friend and a girlfriend. They meet in a homeless shelter when he was sixteen. She had been trying to defend her little sister Holly, from three teen boys who had been picking on her. As he watched she kicked one in the balls and watched as the other two ran away. They became teantive, then after a while, good friends. As time passed he started to develop deeper feelings for her. There was never a chance for him to tell her or to find out if his feelings would develop into real love. She killed herself at eighteen after Holly was taken away from her.

**Relationships With Men**

**Attitude: **It was the same as it was with woman, but, no doubt because of Frank he trusted and respected men even less then woman. Men had to do much more to earn his respect and trust. Again, this didn't mean he didn't treat them well or didn't care if he hurt them, but it did mean he thought even less of them then woman unless they earned it.

**Sex: **Until Spock, he had never had a serious relanshonip with a man. He had had plenty of one night stands, a day or two, but never a serious committed relationship**. **

**Those that had meant something to him**

**Spock: **He was the first one of his sexual partners whom he has ever felt anything beyond lust for. Now he means everything to him.

**First Meetings**

**Leonard McCoy: **Their first greeting wasn't exactly typical. "I may throw up on you" wasn't what you would think to be the start to a great friendship. That just goes to show you how wrong peoples' perceptions can be. Bones has been his friend and brother for years.

**Spock**: He had seen him around the school a few times, but the K Test was the first time they met face to face. In spite of the panic and annoyance flowing through him, his first thought was,_Man he's hot. _He was tall, standing at about 6'3_. _His poise and gait were persie and swift, yet smooth and sensual, like a panther or water flowing over stones. His voice was deep and rich, like black velvet or silk. His body was slim and graceful with a strange combination of sensual curves and strong rope cord muscles, like an artist had masterfully drawn his limbs then added the muscles as an afterthought. His hair was a jet black so deep it gleamed dark blue as the light touched it. His eyes were large and jet black, with no distinction between the iris and pupil and framed with thick full lashes. He had high finely sculpted cheekbones. His lips were full and smooth. His skin was the palest white he had ever seen, it was the color of milk, with absolutely none of the green tinge that was present among pale skinned Vulcans. As those dark eyes met his he felt a strange shock hit him, as if static elerctcity had been poured over him. By the time the hearing was interrupted with the distress call from Vulcan his annoyance had shoved the attraction into the back of his mind. As he spent more time in Spocks' presence he began to vaguely notice that he was feeling respect, concern, frustration, amusement, arousal, and faint affection. At first he passed these off as nothing more then a grudging respect for a commanding officer who, in the short time he had known him had seen him display bravery, compactness, tact, biting wit, compassion, fear, grief, and loyalty. The fact that Spock seemed to be able to get under his skin so easily and quickly both frustrated and amused him. It was frustrating because no one had ever been able to get to him that easily, and it was amusing because, the very fact that Spock could do it proved that he wasn't above using manipulation or knowdlge to get his way if he so needed, no matter what he wanted others to think.

When Spock beamed down to Vulcan he didn't know why he felt terror because _Spock_ was going down. Sure the planet was becoming a black hole, but he knew he wouldn't have felt this mind numbing, heart stopping terror if it had been anyone else. When Spocks' mother died he felt sympathy and compassion for him, something he had not felt in eight years, except in regards for Bones. These feelings he felt toward Spock however, were much stronger then when he felt them for Bones. When he and Scotty beamed back onto the ship from Delta Vega and Spock confronted them he felt dread and guilt rise in him. At first he pulled low shots, about Vulcan being destroyed, about Spock not feeling fear. He had delivered theses deliberately, for he knew theses remarks would get under Spocks' skin, but he also knew they would only hurt him mildly, and, for some reason he couldn't figure out he didn't want to hurt him. He saw that he was getting nowhere so, feeling like the lowest scum on the face the earth he pulled the largest punch he could, the one that would hit Spock the hardest and deepest. He accused him of not loving his mother. Why he choose love he didn't know. He could just as easily have said it was Spocks' fault Amanda was dead, that he hadn't been fast enough, that he should have known the cliff would collapse, but somehow he knew that love would get under Spocks' skin so fast it would be like a ship going at warp twelve.

This inexpiable knowdgle was correct for as soon as he said it Spock erupted, screaming his rage and grief as he attacked him with his fists. He expected to feel fear and guilt during the attack, and he did, but the one thing he hadn't expected to feel was arousal. As Spock tightened his hand around his neck his cock grew so hard so fast it was painful. He was no stranger to light BDSM, even got off on some of it, but he had never gotten so hard just from breath play. Normally he needed additional stimulation to become fully erect, but Spock hadn't even touched him below the waist and his cock felt like it was going to explode. Through the blurring of his senses he felt an equal hardness pressing against his thigh. Somehow not finding it odd that Spock was turned on as well he began to struggle, both with the instinctive need for air, and with the intent of grinding his leg into Spocks' cock. His cock was diamond hard, streaming pre come. He knew he was a few seconds away from coming when he heard someone say "Spock!". He ground his leg into Spock so forcefully latter he would be surprised he didn't take skin off, and he felt Spocks' cock jerk though his pants and the hot wetness of his orgasm. Seconds latter he felt himself coming as well. Suddenly Spock had removed his hand, and, as he struggled for air he heard him give up command and leave the bridge.

Latter, on the transporter pad, when he saw Spock and Uhura kissing he felt anger, confusion, and jealously rush through him. He knew he had no right to feel theses things. He wasn't blind, he had seen the way Uhuras' behavior changed around Spock, the looks she would give him. Just because Spock had got off on strangling him didn't mean anything. For all he knew Spock and Uhura were into breath play. The way Spock was holding, kissing, and speaking to Uhura shouldn't have caused this wave of anger and jealously, which in turn shouldn't have caused the desire to be in Uhuras' place. He felt attraction to the guy, but that was it. This strong, sudden longing also shouldn't have caused a weird half formed memory to come to his mind. _Spocks' arms felt safe, comforting, strong, and warm around him. His lips and voice were filled with devotion, love, arousal, happiness, possessiveness, and protectiveness. There was nothing Spock wouldn't do for him, nor he for him. _This… hull action shocked him so much that he was barely aware of speaking to Spock and beaming down to Neros' ship. It wouldn't be until a few months had passed before he connected the dots to Spock Primes' mind meld on Delta Vega.

**Nyota Uhura: **When he first met her in that bar he had honestly been trying to pick her up. She was a rare combat ion of smoking hot and beautiful. Not many people could pull off both, they were either one or the other. After he joined Starfleet for the first few months he continued to hit on her, with every intention of bedding her, but after that it turned into a good natured joke between them. He got amusement from the half annoyed, half inner laughing look on her face, and she expected and enjoyed his attempts and remarks, as long as he wasn't serious.

**Gaila: **They met when he was teaching the advanced hand to hand class at the academy. She was one of his best students, taking down he appoints and defending herself with knowdgle, skill, and ruthlessness. Despite their mutual sexual attraction they didn't start anything until after she had graduated from his class. He was a teacher, he wasn't about to jeopardize his position by sleeping with his student, no matter how hot or discreet they were. They had had sex a total of four times that first week before she said "I think I love you". He knew she hadn't meant it, but it had still freaked him out a little. Thankfully Uhura had come in before it became even more awkward.

Montgomery Scott: From the first time he met him on Delta Vega he liked him. Scotty was funny, sarcastic, fiery, random, and intelligent. Despite acting like he hated his alien friend. He could tell he was very fond of him.

Hikaru Sulu: Technailly their first meeting was on the bridge when he ran in shouting about Neros' trap, but he counts when they were going to dismantle the drill as their real first meeting. Sulu was really amazing with a sword. He was faster, lighter on his feet, and more deadly then anyone he had ever seen. When Sulu fell off the drill he wasn't about to stand there and do nothing. Even though Sulu hadn't earned his respect or trust yet, he had saved his life twice in the space of three minutes. Something like that couldn't go underpaid. His time on the streets had taught him that. You repaid your debts in full, because if you didn't they would come back to bite you in the ass.

Pavel Chekov: When he first saw him sitting there on the bridge his first thought was that Chekov had better work hard to prove he was meant to be there. He hadn't held his age or inexperience against him. No one's intelligence or skills should be underestimated just because they looked to young. Such people were often the kind who could run circles around everyone else and not bat an eye. Chekov definitely proved he was more then qualified for the Enterprise. He solved an extremely complicated mathematical and scientific equation, allowing them to beam him and Sulu up when they were falling at more then 7,000 mph. He had solved it in less then thirty seconds, when it would have taken the transportation techs at least two hours. His mathematical skills were so high and accurate that he figured out how to use Saturn's moon and rings to make them invisible to Nero, something that the most qulillifed mathmation onboard couldn't figure out.

**His Older Counterpart:** He meet his counterpart, Jay as he liked to call him, when they visited New Vulcan a year and a half after Nero. He and Spock went to Spock Primes home, and upon the door opening they were greeted to the sight of an older man with eyes that were hazel but held flecks of gold and dark emerald green, who looked oddly familiar. At first he thought this man might be a diplomat. He had meet more then enough of them on their missions, and he looked how most of them did. This man was about the same height as Spock Prime, give or take a ½ inch, had short gray hair, hazel eyes, a medium amount of wrinkles, and was overweight, not enough to be unhealthy but enough to be noticeable. "Hello. You must be Jim and Spock. I'm James.", the man said calmly. "Yes". He said, grasping James' hand and shaking it. James stepped aside to let them enter, closing the door behind them. A few seconds after the door closed footsteps sounded in the next room and Spock Prime appeared. Stopping next to James he raised his hand in the Vulcan salute and said, "I see you have meet my bondmate." _Bondmate? Why would Spock Prime have a bondmate? Surly the Vulcan elders aren't requiring him to help repopulate the race? __**I don't believe that is the case Jim. **_Spock replied, amusement coming to him through the bond. As he looked at James the feeling of familiarly struck him again. Why did this man seem so….

Suddenly it hit him. James was his older Counterpart. True, for the most part they looked nothing alike, but the shape of the eyes, height, nose, and chin all were very similar to his own. He and Spock were also T'hy'la, had hadn't Spock said that the bond of T'hy'la was so strong that it would remain between two individuals forever, regardless of what universe the people were in? Hadn't he said that if ones T'hy'la should die, and for some reason the other lived, that the remaining ones' Pon Farrs would stop, and they would never take another bondmate? He had no problem believing that his and Spocks' counterparts were T'hy'la, but how had James come to be here? Spock Prime had been alone in that cave on Delta Vega. Then he remembered how he had seemed to hear another pair of footsteps behind them when they were walking to the Starfleet outpost, how he thought he saw a third shadow on the wall of the cave. Spock Prime seemed to be glancing to his right more then was normal, and his lips curved into that Vulcan smile numerous times when neither he nor the suation warranted it. Glaring at them he said, "You could have to me he was there you know. I was getting pretty creped out"! Amusement shone through Spock Primes eyes as he touched his index fingers to James' and replied, "We both thought that the revelation of your Counterpart would have been to much for you after the events of the day". "I can see your point." He reluntcally agreed. Moving his eyes to look at James, who looked like he was struggling extremely hard to keep from laughing, said, "You mind if I call you Jay? All this James/Jim stuff is going to get confusing." "Go right ahead," his Counterpart replied. That was their first meeting, but by no means their last. In the years that followed he and Jay became very good friends.

**Spocks' Older Counterpart: **When he first meet him he wasn't very polite at first. He thinks he can be excused for his brief rudeness, seeing as he had just been marooned, chased and almost eaten by two hudge creatures, tumbled down a fifty foot hill, and had received more bruises in twenty seconds then in three years. Something about this Spock confused him. Maybe it was the way he said "friend", as if there was another meaning behind the word. Was it the way he moved, spoke, and looked at him with a clear sense of loyalty, friendship, pride, and devotation? All the while he could tell that those feelings weren't exactly directed at him, more like someone who was like him, as well as near him. That didn't make sense because he and Spock Prime were the only two beings in the cave. Maybe it was that mind meld, when he got the vague feeling that there was another presence inside his head along with Spock Prime. Maybe it was the feeling that something… more was being added to his mind in addition to the information about Nero. Whatever the reason was there wasn't time to dwell on it because before he knew it they were in the Starfleet outpost and he and Scotty were beaming back to the Enterprise.

**Love**

**Spock: **If he's honest with himself he will say that he conchousily began to feel more then platonic love toward Spock about two weeks after they began their five year mission. Before that he refused to see anything more then his lust for him. he passed off his feelings of jealously, caring, and awareness as lust for someone who he happened to respect. He never stopped to wonder why Spock had earned his trust, respect, and affection within two hours of meeting him, when it had taken Bones two years to receive them in full. When he figured it out he went to Bones who only said, "Just stick it out. You won't have to wait very long". Spock seemed very happy with Uhura, which he pointed out. With a you're-a-idiot-Jim sigh he said " Jim the chemistry between you two is thicker then The Great Wall of China, and with them it's thinner then paper. Take it from me, a relanshoip with no spark doesn't last very long" Was Bones right? He'd noticed how when Spock looked, spoke, or interacted with him it was very different then with Uhura, but he had passed that off as a love-hate thing. When Spock and Uhura broke it off a month latter and Spock didn't seem upset, he had to admit Bones had a point.

**Telling**

**Spock how he felt: **Spock and Nyota had been broken up for two months, and, during that time he had noticed that Spock seemed to be watching him more and would look at him with eyes that brimmed with intensity, warmth, and tension. He began to play chess with him more frequently, would respond to his flirting and teasing with cleaver remarks that were subtle to a human, but would be considered blantly obvious to a Vulcan. He didn't know if he was imagining it, but Spock seemed to be touching him more often then before. The touches weren't hudge, a brush of their arms or shoulders, fingers briefly touching as they moved their chess pieces or worked on the bridge, a hand on his arm to steady him when he stumbled that lingered for 30 seconds after he had regained his balance. Before Spock and Nyota had broken up they had already spent much of their time together, and Spock had known almost everything about him from the way he liked his coffee to how he preferred swimming to running. Now the only part of their free time that was spent separately was when they were asleep, and Spock was asking more about him, as if he wanted to learn everything that made him who he was. He had loved and wanted Spock for months, but he was having a hard time believing that Spock was beginning to return his feelings. Surly if Spock did feel love for him it was only as a friend or brother, it would never be as a lover. His love for Spock amounted to all three.

What finally made them admit their feelings wasn't unexpected in retrospect, seeing as how whenever they were near each other the air would crackle with sexual tension. They had been sparing in the gym, he had been hot and sweaty with his clothes clinging to him, and as usual, Spock got the upper hand and pinned him. He had started to struggle, trying to flip him. Unexpectedly Spock began to rub his body against his, and it was only then he felt the hard erection pressing against his own cock. His cock hardened almost instantly and, without thinking about it, only reacting to the desire running through him he gripped Spock's hip, hooked his leg around his lower back and ground their cocks together. The grip on his arms tightened as Spock moaned deep in his throat. This seemed to bring Spock back to himself as his ebony eyes, which had taken on a glazed expression cleared and widened slightly in surprise. "Jim, I think this would be an apporite time to tell you that I love, want, and need you, with everything I have. I do not know when, but my feelings for you have grown far beyond friendship or brotherhood. If you do not return my feelings I will understand and I will never mention them again". His voice, already so deep and rich had become even more so as he made his feelings known. Shock, amazement, disbelief, and estacty raced through him. Spock loved, wanted, and needed him. His feelings were beyond that of brothers, they were that of lovers. Just as his own. Instead of responding verbally he moved his hand to the back of Spocks head and, gently pulling him down softly kissed him. It went most logically from there.

**When he and Spock became a couple:** **His family:** He didn't try to contact them. They would either hear about it on the news, through Starfleet Command, or from a crewmember. They either wouldn't care enough to comment, or they would call to yell abuse at him. He had had enough abuse to last him a lifetime, and wasn't about to invite more.

**Sarek: **His father in law never found out about them. He died three months after Vulcan was destroyed. Spock assured him his father would have approved, for he had liked and respected him from the moment he stepped aboard the Enterprise. Spock also told him Sarek wouldn't have been surprised. "I suspect he knew of our connection from the first time he saw us interact" Spock knows that his father wouldn't have tried to change him, break their bond, or tell them it was illogical. He had loved his mother, a human, which in itself was considered illogical by many Vulcans. This is one of the reasons why Jim knows how much Seark had loved his son.

**Frank: **If it had been possible he would never have told Spock. His bondmate wasn't blind, nor was he stupid. He had seen the scars that littered his body, saw and felt how his expression and mood would change when certain words were spoken. He told him slowly, starting with who Frank was and how Frank had felt about him. Spock could tell that just talking about him had his emotions going haywire, so he sent him calming emotions through the bond, then stopped asking for a while. They continued with Spock asking him why a certain word, such as stupid affected him so much. After much attempted evasion he finally broke and told him what Frank used to say to him, what he would call him when he didn't do a chore correctly or when he would strike him. he gradually told him about each scar and broken bone he had received.

About how the burn scar on his inner thigh had been from Frank holding him down and applying a lighter to his skin when he arrived home three minutes late. How the scar that ran from his color bone to his ribs was the result of being slapped so hard that he tumbled through a closed window because the bottle of vodka he'd brought Frank hadn't had the desired amount. How when he was eleven his jaw got broken from being slammed repeadtly into the wall. How his left arm was snapped at the age of five because he'd been trying to run away and Frank had grabbed and twisted it. He also told him that, despite everything, he loved Frank, and that love made every blow, every harsh word hurt more then it should have.

Every time he told Spock something his throat would close up with unshed tears that he never permitted to fall. During the night however he would wake with tears streaming down his face. His bondmate would be holding him to him, gently stroking his face and hair, telling him without words that it was alright to cry, that he didn't love or think any less of him for it.

**His Art and Music: **Ever since Frank found out he had never shown anyone his work or talent. His quarters were larger then most, being the Captain and all, and as a result had a small room attached to the modest sized living area. This was where he kept his drawings, paintings, art supplies, and a Grand Piano, all of which were surrounded by a force field that kept them stable and free of damage as the ship rocked about. Spock initially found out by accident. He had gone to Spocks' quarters to play chess, and as he was setting up the board Spock noticed a small smudge of blue paint on his finger. "May I ask whether you are changing the color of your quarters Captain?" Momentarily confused he frowned, then with dawning comprehension glanced down at his hand. As he saw the paint he felt bile rise in his throat and alarm raced through him. Surly Frank would – Frank? This was Spock, his science officer, best friend, and the one who he was secretly in love with. His voice wasn't raised in anger, it was low pitched with polite cousitery and genuine interest. His hands weren't clenched into fists and hurling through the air. They were resting upon the desk, lightly grasping the chess pieces. Forcing a smile on his face he tried to say lightly, "No Mr. Spock. I like to paint in my spare time". Spock raised an eyebrow and tilted his head minutely to the right. He knew the eyebrow meant that Spock found the comment unexpected, and the head tilt meant he could tell something had been off about his reaction.

They didn't speak of it again until a few months latter. He had been having trouble sleeping, so not wanting to wake Spock, he got out of bed and went into his art room. He settled down at his piano and began to play Clair De Lune, something he often did to help himself sleep. As he finished the song he became aware of a presence behind him. Turning he saw his lover standing in the doorway, wonder, pride, and amazement in his eyes. He watched as Spocks' ebony eyes traveled the room, taking in the artwork scattered around, all in various states of completion. "Your art is extrondry Jim, as is your music. May I enter?" He nodded and Spock stepped over the threshold, keeping his hands behind his back as he inspected the artwork around him. His T'hy'la stopped a few feet from him and glanced at the keys. Realizing he wished for him to play again he turned and wordlessly began to play another piece. From then on he always left the door open in silent permission for Spock to enter. Spock loved to watch him work. Apparently the sight of his fingers flying over the canvas or keys was an "extremely pleasing experience". His lover also loved it when he played the piano, something he began to do more frequently once he noticed how much he enjoyed it. He would stand off to the side, silently watching him, his black eyes burning with instantly.

**His Mother**: He could tell, just from the way Spock talked about her how much Amanda had loved and valued Spock and his brother. How much she would have done for them, what she wouldn't have done to protect them. He wished his mother had given the smallest damn about him. When he told Spock about Frank, naturally his mother came up as well. He told how his mother loathed him, how she didn't want him. How she never protected him from Frank, that she even seemed pleased when she saw the bruises. How she had walked in on Frank beating him, and had not done anything to protect him, even as he was shirking through the pain for her to help. How she was gone so much that he never found it odd when, for three years there was no contact from her at all. How he had not cared weather or not she was dead, and how he hated himself for that. How he loved her, and how her indifference and callousness hurt more then anything Frank had ever done to him.

**Children**

**Morgan: **She is their Counterparts child, so technailly she isn't theirs. This didn't matter to him or Spock. They love her like their own daughter and talk to her and visit whenever they're able. She's the most unusual and beautiful child he's ever seen. Her entire body is the color of milk, while her curly hair and eyes reflect the light in a thousand/million shades of color. They will shimmer shade after shade of color so quickly, in so many combinations his eyes can barely register it. Her ears are mostly human in appearance, but are pointed very delicately at the tips. Her eyebrows are mostly rounded but arch up at the ends. Her blood is green, but darker then a Vulcans', emerald green instead of jade. Like Vulcans, her erogenous zones appear to be her hands, ears, and lower back, but they are much more sensitive then those of other Vulcans. She is extrondially intelligent at 5 years with an IQ of 450. Learning is something is enjoys greatly. It doesn't matter what the subject is, physics, computers, science, history, if it's possible to learn it she will. Despite being so intelligent she still has much of the innocence and coursitey of human children her age. Playing child games like hide and seek, tag, or pretend is one of her favorite things. The dark scares her and she can't sleep without a nightlight. She has a good number of stuffed animals and other toys that she loves to play with. She doesn't understand why some of the Vulcan children, and even some of the adults look at her with distain, why they hurl insults and fists at her, why they exclude her from study groups or games. She can't figure out why Sol, Stonn and T'Prings son is friends with her, when he is treated just as badly as she is as a result of their friendship. She does understand the pain and anger in her parents and families eyes when they see her bruises or hear about her treatment. The love that her fathers have for one another. How Sol suffers because of his unwavering friendship. How much her family loves her.

**Alexander, ****Hephaestion****, T'Pock, T'Amanda: **When they found out he was pregnant, it was enough of a shock to cause Bones to faint. If they had managed to get pregnant, they thought that Spock would be the carrier, not him. Spock had all of the normal genitals and organs, plus Vulcan males were designed to conceive and carry children, just as their women were. They had the necessary genitals, both to carry, conceive, and make children, and their pecs would produce breast milk during a pregnancy. Human males should not have been able to either conceive or carry a child, yet it seemed that he was able. Seven months latter they were in Sickbay, each holding two of their children. Alexander was in Spocks' right arm, while T'Amanda was in his left. Hephaestion was in his own left arm, and T'Pock was in his right. Their children were beautiful. Alexander had his own light brown hair, Spocks' ears and eyebrows, and his mouth. Hephaestion had dark brown hair, his ears and eyebrows, and Spocks' mouth. T'Pock had Spocks' blue-black hair, his eyebrows and Spocks' ears, and his mouth. T'Amanda had dark blonde hair, his eyebrows and Spock's ears. It was their eyes however, that made them extrondey. Looking at them, he finally understood how his husband could find his own eyes exquisite. Each of their children's' eyes were the same as his own: changing from a color so light it was almost white to one so dark it was almost black. The only difference was the color themselves. Alexander's eyes were violet; Hephaestions' green, T'Pocks' pink, and T'Amandas' were brown. He swore that their children would never hear that they were unnatural, unloved, or unwanted. Nothing could be further from the truth.Years later they would learn, that, when he was three Frank had lost in a game of poker with a sicenest. Frank had bet Jim in the game, and, as a result had to give him to the siencest for one month to do with as he wished. Apparently he had wished to do experiments on him. He left all of his natural sexual system intact, but gave him a womb, **fallopian tube**s, eggs, and cervix. In short, he gave him everything but a vaginia, periods, and too many female hormones to change his terstone. This proved two things: one, how little Frank thought of him, and two, how much Frank could still hurt him.

**Death**

**Savvid and Christine: **He hadn't known that Spock had had a brother or a sister in law. He found out four months after he and Spock had gotten together when he found a picture of who he assumed was Spock and a platinum blonde woman. When he asked him about it he didn't need the wave of emotions through the bond to know this was a very painful subject for Spock. He had been able to read the slightest change in Spocks' body language from the day they meet. Had been able to tell what he was feeling at a glance. He watched as his mates' lips thinned minutely, his posture became more ridged, and his jaw clenched. This was what Spock did when his mother died, when he was suppressing an enormous amount of grief. _Spock, you don't have to – __**No, I want to Jim. **_So Spock, with a pained note in his voice proceeded to tell him. His twin brother, Savvid had been one of the head healers on Vulcan, along with his bondmate and t'hy'la, Christine Chapel. They had been on Vulcan when Nero struck. He said his brother had shielded his mental bond with him, making him believe that he and Christine had gotten off the planet so he would only be concerned with saving their parents. He felt their death through the mental severing of their bond when Vulcan was destroyed. As their mental death screams echoed through his head the weight of the self blame, anger, grief, and guilt at his twins and sisters' death, coupled with the emotions of his mothers death forced him to his knees. Spock said he had remained there for several minutes, unwilling to believe that the bond that had connected him to his twin from before he could remember, and through it Savvids' bond with Christine had vanished, snapped. Just as his mothers bond had snapped so viciously just minutes before. As his mind had echoed with emptiness he silently screamed, not letting a single note escape him. As Spock finished he felt his emotions, still as raw as they had been on that day. He wrapped his arms around his lover, hugging him tightly._I know it hurts Spock, but your mind isn't empty anymore. I'm here. _Returning his embrace and resting their foreheads together Spock replied_** I know. This means more to me then I can say t'hy'la. **_That was the only time they spoke of them verbally, but through melds he has seen them. He has seen their lives, accomplishments, personalities, and habits. These melds prove how much Spock had loved them, and how much he misses them.

**Spock: **His bondmate has been close to death a few times. When Vulcan was destroyed, when he was attacked by a large scaly thing on a planet they visited, and when he was shot in the back by a crazy gun wielding native. After they bonded, he's been close to death every time he himself was. Like himself he doesn't fear death, because he knows his husband will follow him.

**His Own: **When he lived with Frank he was in danger of death everyday, and once he got on the street he was in danger of it every hour. After he became Captain and started to go planet side on missions he had a 50/50 shot of being near it again. He's been almost disemboweled by a phaser, was attacked by an ape like creature with a poisons bite, and was almost tourted to death by some big headed aliens. When his t'hy'la was near death, he was as well, the bond linking them together through death and beyond. Death doesn't frighten him. It's been hovering over his shoulder from the day he was born. He also dose not fear it because he knows the second he goes, Spock will follow him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**The One Thing That Remained The Same**

**TOS, Mirror, and 2009 James Kirk**

**What Spock Means To Him**: Spock is the one person whom he can't live without, that he wouldn't want to live without. Spock is everything to him. He's his lover, best friend, confident, supporter, coworker, brother, heart, soul, protector, the voice of logic and reason, the presence and voice in his mind and soul. He's the father of his children, husband, bondmate, and T'hy'la. There is nothing he wouldn't do for him. He would kill, give up his own life, lie, allow Spock to leave him and go to another. He would give up his career, would disobey Starfleet command, would even find some way to become Vulcan if that was what Spock wanted or needed. He is the only one that he desires, both physically and mentally. He has not voluntary slept with another woman or man since they became lovers. He has not wanted to. Spocks' mind is the only one that he has felt within his own in 103 years. He would not welcome another. He trusts Spock with everything he has. He trusts him with his life, his well being, his mind, his body, his soul, and his love. From the moment he laid eyes on that tall, lean, pointed eared form Spock has owned him, body, mind, heart, and soul. That ownership will continue after death, time, and existence itself has come to an end.


End file.
